Live like you mean it.

Peace. One Love.

2010-11-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers and Followers, I wish you all the very best and greatly appreciate the moments you have spent leafing through my random tidbits on my life. It's always heart warming to hear someone say that they live vicariously through me and can't wait for the next post. However, I don't want you to live through me. That's as bad as your best friend being a TV character on a show. No, no. It's time I set you free. Now go my friends, go live like you mean it. Go run rampant with inspiration and dance in the streets. It's time to do whatever it is that you have been meaning to do; start your own blog (I'll follow you), figure out what really makes you happy and content, and run with it. Don't worry, I'll be here. And I'm sure we will meet again soon.

I find it agreeable symmetry to begin and end this blog with a trip to Australia.

This blog has been useful for venting, writing, and keeping friends up to date on life happenings, but it has come to my attention recently that I am an open book, perhaps too open. Perhaps I am as self absorbed as David Duchovny, but perhaps all aspiring writers are somewhat self absorbed. Come to think of it, anyone that is striving for any goal is self absorbed aren't they? Medical students, budding lawyers, hollywood wannabes, everyone is self absorbed in some way, and they have to be to make it, don't they? Well, this kid is taking her show elsewhere. Time for the next chapter in my life. And you can read it... when it's published. Peace. One love.

In 140 or Fewer

2010-11-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

Today has been a multiple one-liner day. Although using the word multiple and one in the same sentence seems like a paradox of humor in itself. Whatever you call it; I'm having one and loving it. Welcome to my world;

Rick Astley and I wonder the same thing every day. RT @rearle What ever happened to the 80s?
Random text from Mike Bush; Just so you know, both Gushers AND Fruit Rollups are on sale right now at Target.
It's 1pm and I just sobered up which explains why I've enjoyed being on campus all morning.
Just found two plastic forks in my pocket. This is not the first time I have subconsciously started a fork collection.
"I ride side saddle, but only on unicorns." - JHersh
Only at Touro would they wait to put up a "poison ivy area" sign till the soccer game ended.
'Where are you off to Jess?' "I'm going to sit in the ballroom and awkwardly glare at anyone that enters as if I am in there to do something important."
'Someone has been eating your food in the fridge.' "That someone would be me."
I can't do homework until I confer with Nana on the happenings of her daily life.
"Jess, you look different today." 'It's because I'm hungover.'
It looks like I still got it! #HotMess

The San Francisco Treat

2010-11-11T09:28:00.000-08:00

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but my life is pretty awesome (minus that whole week where I was about to die from food poisoning).

Last week Remy came to visit. She was in town to interview for a residency position at Kaiser. Kaiser is a place that I would LOVE to work as a clinician someday. Around here it's called the Golden Handcuffs because they pay well, have great benefits, but you can only work off their prescription list. I don't mind though. I love the way the hospital is set up. It's streamlined, efficient, and effective. As a patient of Kaiser (back when I had real health insurance and a real job), I can say that I am very pleased with all of their services. Not only do they have online medical records and you can email your doctor directly, but they also have quick turn around on appointments to results. For someone like myself who loves organization, internet, and communication; it was brilliant.

Remy is debating it though. She feels like San Francisco is too warm for her. For the record, she is the only person I have ever met in my life to love winter more than any other season. She even loves winter camping?! Obviously she is crazy. Perma-fall is the way to go.

And I couldn't be happier with San Francisco right now. Even though it rained Monday this week, all of last week and this week have been sunshine filled days with a tiny hint of chill in the air. It's the perfect temperature to scoot over to my Bikram class in the morning. And with the chill in the air, it feels nice to step into the sauna of the yoga room. After class it's still nice enough to walk the two miles to the ferry terminal. You have to love a long walk through North Beach and downtown. Something about this town just makes me smile nonstop on days like this.

Scooting home from Bikram yoga; over looking the presido and marina greens.

On my walk to the ferry building crossing from North Beach into downtown.

Not to mention that now that I'm not cramming for exams, the weekends have opened themselves up for things like meeting DoubleJ at the Farmer's market. The ferry building boost the best farmer's market in town and true to form, it lived up to the hype. There's endless rows of everything from fresh salmon to local farm made cheese to fresh produce. And for under $20 you can make ridiculously delicious things.

Farmer's Market Feast: Whole Wheat Walnut Bread, Asian Pear, Fresh Mint, Raspberries, Persimmon, 18mnth Aged Cheddar

Afternoon feast! Raspberry, mint, persimmon on cheddar.

Now why would anyone want to live anywhere other than San Francisco?! Remy, I'm talking to you and the state of Utah. :P

Diagnosis

2010-10-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

What came first? The chicken or the egg or the salmonella poisoning?

I'm proud to say that it is not an African parasite that I have contracted but just a little good ol' American food industry salmonella. Gross. And where did this come from? Good question. It could have been in any of the foods I ate up to 48 hours before becoming sick. I'd list them but I'm too ashamed of how many times spaghettio's appears on the list. It doesn't really matter what I ate, because in truth we could blame any of it. No one else I shared a meal with is sick, so your guess is as good as mine. In truth, I blame my own idiocracy. I know better than to gallivant around on the weekend in comfort food gluttony. I guess this is just an extreme wake up call that although I may now have three day weekends at my disposal, I need to include rest and careful food choices. Had my immune system not been swimming in gin gimlets it may have been able to fight the infection on its own. There really is no use undoing all the good you do during the week in one day of non stop fast food hog heaven with an open bar. Just plain silly really. Just like those chickens and their eggs.

Up In The Air

2010-10-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

I finally saw the movie Up in the Air and I have a plethora of feelings on it.

The suitcase packing, the toiletries, the airport lines - I used to do that multiple times a week and by golly, I was good at it. I miss it from time to time.
The expense accounts and mileage rewards - oh I miss the days of expensing salmon and wine in Seattle along the water front and being upgraded to first class.
The relationships that are so up in the air while you travel - that part I do not miss. I hated meeting people and knowing you'd never see them again or meeting people at home and knowing you wouldn't work out because life on the road is ultimately, extremely, lonely.
Being darn good at your job, so much so, they fly you out to do it - that I was. Boring as that job may have been, I was top notch.
Having relatives in Wisconsin that you never visit enough - sounds about right.

The ending to the movie really hit home. At first I thought it would be a romantic ending, but the twist was so beautiful. Because where they left the main character is exactly where I would have been left, had I stayed with the job. And even though I hated the new girl (she obviously was not someone who enjoyed traveling), I did find it interesting that she winds up in San Francisco.

Sometimes I think I shouldn't have ever quit my biotech job even though it was dull and boring. Because before that, I had never quit anything in my life (changed directions, yes. but quit, no). And now, I think I shouldn't have let myself leave medical school even though I didn't want the next eight years of what it required. Because now I'm in a masters program and debating if I should quit it. It's so easy to quit things once you start giving up on them. When things are just perfect (biotech was too boring, medical school was too time consuming, masters program is night classes and those are at annoying times in the day), I feel like it's okay to just give up. What an awful thing to let yourself feel.

I do the same in my dating life don't I? I find a reason and cut them all loose. Even the ones I really like always have a fatal flaw that allows me space to run away (25 is way too young, London doesn't live in San Francisco).

What is it about me that is only comfortable in life when everything is up in the air?

While I'm Sitting Here

2010-10-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

Good news! I slept through the night. I know this may not sound like astonishing news for a twenty-seven year old, but trust me. This week, it is.

In other news I decided to get a head start on my New Years Resolution list. I figure since my colon has cleansed itself, I might as well cleanse myself and start afresh as well. I figure we can call the next three months a trial run and edit as needed when the big ball drops. Here goes;

Follow my own public health announcements. I should probably floss more.
Listen more. This should be easy as I rarely listen so any listening can be considered "more"
Never accept a second date unless I'm actually interested. It's wasting my time.
Plan nothing one day a week. Living life to the fullest makes me run myself ragged. I need rest.
Give more compliments. Now that I've learned to receive and appreciate them, time to hand them out.

And while I'm off making wish lists, I'm just going to through this out there;

Mrs. Remy Wong is in town next week to check out a residency. Let's all cross our fingers that she can't turn it down (because we all know they can't turn her down).
Australia is coming up fast. Looks like I'll be spending my weekends until then in the library making up for this week's missed classes and working forward on what I'll miss in the future. Hoping to still pull As and get into the PA programs I want.
Australia is coming up fast. So excited!!

And for you romantics; CanIDate(s) has been updated.

I've Been Inside Too Long

2010-10-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

Scene begins with a wide angle of the bay, the golden gate gleming and the sun shining without a cloud in the sky. Birds chirp and lovers walk down the street hand in hand. Zoom in to 1234 Chestnut Street and camera sneaks between the cracks of the blinds that are more than partially closed. A blob of dark blankets heaped on the bed twitch and a foot sticks out. "Ugh," a moan is heard as a thin pale girl of her late twenties crawls out of the heap of blankets and stumbles in the darkness towards the bathroom in the hallway. The door slams behind her and we hear gallons of water rushing. It stops suddenly. "Ugh," she moans again. We hear washing of hands and the door opens. The girl is now more bent over and it's apparent that her sweat pants are at least seven times too large for her and so long they cover her feet. She shuts the blinds and pours herself back into bed.

I would not curse my worst enemy with a gut infection. I'd like to think that I don't have too many enemy so I'm not entirely sure why I've been cursed with one. Today I finally kept down a few liquids, but the lack of sugar to my brain makes the simplest tasks (like walking the four blocks to the pharmacy) extremely difficult (it took me over an hour and an elderly man with a walker asked if I needed help when he passed me (someday I hope to laugh about that bit)).

When I have been conscious enough to focus on something, it's all I can do to put on a DVD. I've almost gone through three seasons of Mad Men and multiple random episodes of 30Rock.

Mad Men makes me want to be ladylike, but I'm no Betty Draper. As much as I enjoy an old fashioned date or a romantic night on the town, more often than not I'm too busy running my mouth and laughing at myself to be ladylike. But I'm not exactly a Liz Lemon either. I don't like ham (besides I really think Abby is Liz, and by golly Abby is a damn good Liz Lemon).

So when sugar finally made it to my brain I took some all too enlightening online personality quizes (four days into a sickness will do that to a person).

One quiz told me I was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now, this may be dating me, but I don't even know who that is. I think it was on when I was in high school or college or something, but I never gave it a second glance. Quiz one = useless.

The next two quizes told me I was Sponge Bob Square Pants and Stewie Griffin. Now I'm no TV expert, but those personalities seem a bit contradictory, don't they? One is extra happy as if he's ODed on anti-depressants and the other is devilishly plotting to kill his own mother while he wets himself. Quiz two invalidates Quiz three.

Quiz four, however, gave me an interesting result that I will now leave you to ponder; Rachel Green of Friends.

Health Care Reform

2010-10-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

My University switched our health care plans and now all my doctors are no longer my doctors. And when you are deathly ill (as I am now), they want you to go to Mountain View (45 miles away) to their urgent care center. I can barely last 20 minutes without needing a bathroom and you want me to drive myself to Mountain View?! I spent the morning fighting with hospital front desks only to be transferred to dead ends. Finally, after tears, I got an appointment for this afternoon with a family practice physician.

Health care in America makes me want to scratch my eyes out. In Germany, you could walk down the street and see any doctor you wanted for the same co-pay. Their national health care plan made no health center off limit. Makes me want to move back to Europe.

Public Health Announcements (aka a Rant by JTreib)

2010-10-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

I apologize in advance that this rant topic may offend some, however it needs to be said.

I don't care who you are, there is no reason to ever have sex without a condom unless you are married. Not only does the mere suggestion of such a monstrosity make me run my fingernails down a chalkboard, but this is your future we're talking about here. STDs and pregnancy aside, the anxiety of having to worry about your health should be enough to make people smarter about their life choices.

Perhaps I'm just on this soap box because as generations go by, kids are waiting longer and longer to get married. Furthermore, they date casually or wind up dating multiple people while they search for that special someone. When you do find the person that you want to be with, it'd be nice to have the peace of mind that they care about their health and future enough to protect it. And I really just don't want to hear your sob story of stupidity. Not that I am a saint, but let's just say that I believe in safety first and think that this a great time for us all to learn from past mistakes and jump on the Trojan Man's bandwagon.

Rant #1 over.

Rant #2; Floss your teeth, goddammit. It's good for you.

Animal House

2010-10-20T17:41:00.000-07:00

As my body continues to threaten me with a sore throat, the commuting adventure has taken a turn for the ease. After a long conversation with my mother about how safe the public transport is at night, she made a valid point. "Sounds about as safe as the ugly parts of Racine. Speaking of, when are you coming home again?" (My mother the sales person)

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday evening I spend anywhere from 1 hour to 20 minutes waiting out in the cold at night to catch a bus home in an area of the Bay that is considered less than desirable. If I were a big burly man I'm sure my mother wouldn't hound me, however I'm about a buck twenty and if I lie, I'm 5'6" at my tallest. Plus the way my hair keeps lightening in the sun, I'm going to be back to the German blonde and blue eyed sooner than I can call a hair stylist. Genetics really aren't in my favor (the big doe eyes aren't helping honey).

When I expressed this to Eve, she formulated a perfectly logical solution. Just stay at her place a few days a week. Brilliant.

Although this does decrease the number of mornings I have in SF, there are plenty of things to entertain me in Vallejo. Mainly Eve's 5 roommates. Eve lives with 5 of the boys who we traveled to Africa with. And the house runs like a larger version of PacPad. Everyone hangs out, is kind to others, and (for the most part) respects the other person's space (except that Travis decided to start using my travel toothbrush on the regular. "Oh that was yours? Do you want it back? Don't worry, I put toothpaste on it once." No, Trav, you can keep it). So when I finish up night class, I return to Animal House just in time for Eve to pull fresh banana bread out of the oven and put on a new episode of Modern Family.

And that's just it, isn't it? We are a modern family. And like all families nowadays, half lives in one place and half lives in the other; but I've loved at both.

PS. Did I mention that Jason has a dog? Toby, a long haired dachshund. He's adorable and works wonderfully as a foot warmer. Makes the couch all the more cozy.

Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

2010-10-17T02:48:00.000-07:00

I had to cancel everything this weekend for a head cold that has dragged me under like the hands of an unrested soul reaching through the floorboards and pulling me down. A combination of a wrench in my week's plans and a lack of beauty sleep makes this lovely lady not so charming (more like green in the face with a nose full of snot. Yes, I realize I'm painting quite the picture for you, sorry about that, not my finest hour).

Of course while I am sick, this is when Parker rings. And what do I say? "Penguins are cute, just like you. But you waddle less." Smooth, Jessica. Real smooth. This is one of those Bridget Jones' moments where she is caught with a spoon in the ice cream pint while wearing curlers in a sweater and gigantic panties. Ugh.

Oh well. Nothing I could do but crack open a bottle of red and serve myself a plate of dill salmon, brown rice, steamed green beans, and bacon warpped dates topped with brie. At least I can be domestic, huh? Yep, it was hot date night on the Chestnut this evening. Of course, I am referring to the bacon wrapped dates I made. Luckily though, my pal Abigail also wanted a hot date. So together we downed the bottle, finished the dates, and laughed at the fact that I'm impossibly ridiculous (all this while we were both in giant sweat pants without showers).

Normally I would start stressing right about now about how I hope to be all put together in a month's time. But let's be honest here, no matter how much bikram yoga I go to or don't go to, it's not going to make a hill of beans is it? I'm still going to be me; the same old ridiculous Jessica.

And truthfully, I wouldn't have it any other way.

If all this dating around town has taught me anything, it's that there are plenty of guys out there that will not only put up with this hot mess, but compliment it (Weird, right? We must be getting to an age where men are desperate.). So I guess it just boils down it one thing; we'll see what happens.

Until then, I'm keeping my snot faced slim nose under house arrest. Ugh. How gross can I get?!

The Commute Continues

2010-10-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

This week's commute continues with adventurous tales.

Monday I scooted over to Noe Valley to carpool with my lovely PA buddy. That seemed to work well.

Tuesday I was suppose to go on a lunch date with my candidate of the week (he had to work near school so lunch in the middle worked well), however trying to be a flexible fun date didn't work out in my favor. Instead we wound up going to Napa and his meeting ran long so I missed one of my classes (not something I normally do). The whole thing was both fun (as it was spontaneous) and annoying (as school is my priority, not dating). On the flipside, Eve (and the members of Mare Shore) deserve some big props this week for putting out a blanket and letting me take over a cabinet. As long as they don't mind, I think I'll be staying once a week in the V-Town to get away from the commute.

Wednesday we finished class early and I hung out with my new favorite bartender Tileav (Ty-Leaf) next to the ferry terminal for a night cap of Baley's on the rocks. He opens the bar as long as there are customers and let's me wait inside while he closes up shop so I don't sit alone at the bus stop at night. I greatly appreciate this and tip him well. More and more though, I feel like a clunker of a car would do me wonders. If I could find a beater for under $600, park it in V-Town at the ferry, and just take it to and from campus (1.5 miles), I think I would be good. And if it's a real beater no one will want to steal that thing. So now I'm back on the idea of a car, but only for the short commute and registering it in V-Town.

Once I'm on the bus home though, things are smooth. I take the Muni home with my new Clipper card (a rechargeable plastic card used to swipe on bus fare) and get dropped right in front of my lovely apartment.

Today I'm commuting by foot to the ferry and then being picked up in Vallejo as one of my classmates passes the terminal on their way to campus. I'll do the reverse tonight. Hopefully we don't get out of class early, or if we do, I hope Tileav is behind the bar.

Super Sunday

2010-10-10T23:51:00.000-07:00

Woke up and had a NFL date. I haven't been able to follow regular football in the past few years due to travel or schooling, so it pleased me to accept a Sunday morning date that involved watching the Packers and drinking a Guiness before 11am. Double J, as we will call this one, played much better than the Packers in the second half. I might keep this one on the roster.

Dating has been quite the hobby recently. I think I'm going to take a week off for good measure. Plus I want to start getting ahead in school so when November rolls around I will be set to jet.

The rest of Sunday was spent at dPad with the family watching the Blue Angels formations in the sky in celebration of Fleet Week (which by the way, caused a lot of traffic today so a thank you to Scoots for being small enough to take the bike lane home). I love days when I hang with my closest bunch because its then that you feel most relaxed. So relaxed in fact that I took a nap on the couch for a few hours while Erik heated up the kitchen. Family dinner tonight was tri-tips and chicken in a honey barbecue red wine sauce, curry potatoe pear and spinach salad with red onions and almonds, roasted brocollini and tomatoes in olive oil and garlic, martha stewert's recipe of mac & cheese, and POPstand popsicle for dessert. Yum. Good food, good friends, good times.

Yet Another Winner

2010-10-10T01:09:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday the group gathered for dinner at a local Mexican restaurant (pitchers of margaritas were involved) and spent the night dancing up a storm at Double Dutch in the mission (great throw back jams and some classic new hits too). "I don't dance, but I can stand there and wiggle." - Whit.

Sunday was spent at the Hardly Strictly Blue Grass festival in Golden Gate park where we enjoy a variety of bands that may or may not include some blue grass. Sunday night family dinner was spent in the Sunset at a lovely Chinese restaurant where we ordered a family style feast that included everything from lobster to lamb to a full duck. No one goes hungry in this family! "Your beard is all scratchy. It's fun to nuzzle." Erik to Whit.

This weekend was yet another zinger in San Francisco.

Friday afternoon Renata and I started the weekend right with a happy hour bar crawl. Then it was dinner at Naked Fish where all the sugarplums enjoyed sushi and saki (fantastic roommate bonding time). After we hit up Sean's housewarming party in the mission. It was here that Sean made the silly mistake of letting me control the iTunes hookup to the speakers in the kitchen. I turn around for 5 seconds and suddenly you are surrounded by 5 guys and having yourself a dance party. You are ridiculous my friend. - Abby about me

Today the roomies and I had brunch (from the lovely groceries we purchased on our way home last night at 3am). It was a delicious fry up (fried eggs over potatoes, sausage, and veggies fried in dill, ginger, and paprika, side of salsa). Then it was off to help Abby run her first ever POPstand at ForageSF in Oakland (Forage is an underground food fair). Between the being the pop demo (person who stands next to the stand eating a pop) to being the cashier (which included wearing the baby poop colored fanny pack of a cash box); finally my second grade fantasy of running a corner stand with my neighborhood best friend is complete. Everything you do is absurd. - Abby to me, while I was wearing a penguin costume and eating a popsicle in public (a stranger hugged me, either because they were THAT happy to see a life sized penguin eating a pop or because they assumed I was mentally challenged, which in their defense I did wear the penguin feet for 30 minutes post de-costuming for no apparent reason other than 'just because').

After stuffing our faces by sampling every vendor we could, Erik, Edison, and I caught the movie Easy A, which was easily a fantastic movie. The witty humor was delightfully crafted. The only thing worse than chlamydia is the state of Florida. - Easy A

And I'm sure tomorrow is going to be yet another winner. I love weekends.

The Bike Commute Take One

2010-10-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

I woke up late on Thursday and decided to skip the 7am carpool. The early mornings and late nights have taken a toll much faster than I thought they would. It looks like I will need to find a few more commute options so I don’t always have to be up at 630am (and really, I don't need to be at school until 1pm anyhow). The ferry is a viable alternative. It picks up at either Pier 41 or the Ferry Building downtown. Plus, I can study while I’m on the ferry. The offset is the cost. For public transportation, the BayLink is expensive (about $13 a ride, or $10.30 if you buy a 10-punch pass). And let’s also not forget that it drops off 2 miles from school. And the path to school does not include sidewalks (it’s an industrial wasteland between the ferry and campus). These obstacles make not owning a car* quite the adventure. But I have to admit here, this is an adventure that I am enjoying getting my kicks out of. I live for this stuff.

*After running the financial cost of owning and operating a car for the commute to and from school, it boiled down to “get a car” or “go to Australia in November”. What do you think I picked? Yep. I’m way to predictable some times.

Thursday I decided to try the bike commute. And friends, it was quite the adventure.

First, you have to alter your clothing options. Gone are the ability to wear a sundress and flip-flops.

Second, you have to change what you carry. I can’t balance three bags on my shoulders while riding.

Third, don't even try and fix your hair because if you love your brain, then your helmet will flattening any curls you attempted.

And that is just the getting ready to bike part. Now that you're ready you have to consider all the biking issues. The bike that I borrowed (a really nice road bike that is owned and operated by a Mr. Jonathan Hersh, who needs to be mentioned here with a heartfelt thank you. Without you none of this adventure would have been possible) had straps on the foot pedals to keep your feet in. This was my first obstacle.

As my toes barely rest on the ground while standing the bike, I had to put one foot in to take off and then attempt to spin the pedal just right to sneak my other foot in the strap while moving. This is easy if you are in a large vast space where you will never hit anything and have unlimited time. This is not easy in traffic going downhill next to parked cars. Oh dear.

Remember the car commercial where the driver was staring at the road ahead and saw ice and freaked out? Then the car voice over went into details about how the car traction and gears adjusted themselves so the driver shouldn't worry. In the next scene the driver gets the same wide-eyed expression and this time instead of ice, it's marbles?

That wide-eyes person was me today. Every time I rounded a corner I was a dear in headlights. Downhill, uphill, traffic, bike lane, no bike lane, stop light, loose gravel, pot hole, railroad tracks, nothing escapes the commute to Vallejo.

The ferry was brilliant though. Not only does the ferry offer secure bike parking, but it gave me a chance to deal with the main issue of biking; sweat. Wearing a backpack while on the bike causing an increase in this unwanted side effect.

Of course as soon as I cooled off and put on my sweater, we were in Vallejo and it was time to get back on the bike. The Vallejo biking isn't as scary (even though this is the part where there are train tracks and a draw bridge) because I used to own a bike in Vallejo. Someone last year thought my pretty red road bike deserved a better home and stole it. This time I wasn't taking any chances (especially because this wasn't my bike in the first place) so I showed up at the Shore House (Mare Island/Shore Beach house where five of my close med school friends all live together) and pulled the bike into the garage and parked it across from the tandem bike (yep, Travis owns a tandem bike. Watch out for hop ons; you will get hop ons). Then the crew headed off to school (about 1/2 a mile away).

I arrived to the library, spread out my study material, and sighed. I feel like I just saved the world.

AUSsome

2010-10-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

FYI:I just booked flights to Australia for November.

At The Office

2010-10-06T16:48:00.000-07:00

A typical school week for me is 3.5 days straight of campus time. I'm not just talking an 8-5 day either. I'm talking; out the door at 6:55 am and home at 11pm. Monday's are 'half days' of leaving at noon and home at 11:30pm. (Yes folks, this is what I consider a 'light' schedule.)

Don't let it fool you into thinking I do nothing but work though. Actually, I have fun filled productive days at the "office" (aka campus). Here is my typical day;

630am - Up and ready
7am - Carpool into school
8am - Hit the school gym
9am - Hit the school showers
10am - Set up shop at the library/study
12pm - Lunch/Social hour
1pm - Library time
Night class (Starting at 3:30, 5, or 6 depending on the day and running til 9pm)
930pm - Bus home to SF
1030pm - Local bus to apartment
11pm - Home
1130pm - Curl up in my comfy bed

There's plenty of variety too. Wednesday I have yoga and dance practice. Some days I break extra long and take a nap in the grass. It's not a bad gig really.

The beautiful part is really the weekends. I finish class on Thursday night in time to walk over and join my favorite house on campus for Jersey Shore (a ridiculous TV show that we enjoy watching while we socialize). Friday through Sunday I have completely free. Maybe I should repeat that; three day weekends. It's a beautiful thing.

Update

2010-09-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

Unsettling.
There are so many people in the world that have a hard time not doing the same routine every day. I am not one of those people. Trying to get in a routine and stick to it has been my biggest obstacle this month. While I'm trying to make myself settle in one spot for awhile, I find everything in life changing around me. Luckily, it's all changing for the better.

Cleaning House.
Normally I am very open-minded, friendly, and trusting of new people I meet. Unfortunately this has bit me a little lately when some of those people have turned out to be crazy pants. I will never understand a person's motivation to befriend and misuse another individual. But perhaps that is why I've chosen to study global health instead of business.

The sad part is that now I standoff and don't give newbies the chance to join the best friend circle in San Francisco because if they turn out to be duds or crazy balls, it looks bad on me. It's a catch 22 because I have this overwhelming want to help new people enjoy the awesome sauce that is San Francisco (so much so that I've consider starting my own welcome wagon business). It's been a real heartbreak.

I suppose the ol' saying is true, I should still make new friends, but always keep the old. One is silver, and the other is gold.

From Point A to Point B.
I'm procrastinating buying a car. I haven't owned a car in five years. Cars are such a hassle. Insurance, parking, gas, etc. And when you factor in that I'm (at best) a moderately-okay driver, the idea of buying a car is just a big headache.

Public transportation is available, but the idea of getting a bike to take to and from the ferry isn't appealing on a daily commute (or when it rains!). Plus, then I'm restricted to times and how much I can carry with me. As much as I want to save the earth, I also want to save myself frustration. Getting a car would be the easiest solution. Especially if it's a good reliable, easy to drive car that is fuel efficient and within my budget.

I Wanna Be A Billionaire.
The word budget brings up an issue. Remember that trip to Africa? Yea, I'm still looking at the receipts for a few of those experiences. I should probably pick up a shift here or there somewhere and get myself a financial planner. That would be the smartest move right now. Wish I knew someone who would just balance it for me.

Love.
Now there is the money question isn't it? I'd tell you my secrets, but then I wouldn't have any cards up my sleeves. Better to just leave you guessing in this category. Let's just say this; things are turning up roses.

Making A Name For Myself

2010-08-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

Scheduling my classes around starting PA school next fall took some fancy foot work. Luckily I am quick on my toes. The classes I needed to slip into had a 12 student procession for the 2 free seats. As I am not keen on sitting out of PA an extra year or taking the night class taught by the dry dragging Ben Stein (Bueller? Bueller?), I decided to use my charm and wits to my advantage and sent the following email on Wednesday.

"Dear Dr. Brinkley,

My name is Jessica and here is why I think I would be the best student you could pick to join your Tuesday and Thursday afternoon class of biostatistics;

1. I am a candidate for a PA program that begins next fall (Fall 2011) and need to have the majority of my MPH completed before this time. Its most advantageous for me to take biostatistics during the day so that I may enroll in an additional night class and meet my 15 credit requirement.

2. In return for allowing me the privilege of joining the best class on campus, I will be your favorite student. In my vast experience of science courses I have had many dry professors. I noted during orientation that you are not by any means dull. I believe learning should be fun and having you teach biostatistics sounds like the best idea ever.

3. I am awesome. That should really be reason enough. I worked closely with Dr. Eiman Mahmoud this summer in a Global Physician Corp project in Tanzania. There is a convention in October where Eiman has asked me to present this data and I believe biostatistics would help me a lot.

I look forward to taking your class this fall.

Sincerely,

Jessica"

On Thursday I introduced myself to Doc (he reminds me of Doc from Back to the Future) by saying "Hi, I'm Jessica. I emailed you about joining your biostats course. I just wanted you to see what awesome looks like."

This morning I received the following;

"Hi Jessica

I have checked the number of seats in the day biostats class and there is enough for you. See me Monday or at class on Tuesday. Welcome Awesome.

Prof Brinkley"

Orientation

2010-08-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

The admissions department invited me to sit for the entire new student orientation to the MPH program, but I had a better idea. I showed up for the first hour, registered my name, and befriended three girls about my age. Then as people filtered in the auditorium, the girls and I slipped out the side door and went straight to the docks for pitchers of beer. I'm not an advocate of skipping class, in fact I'm the opposite, but the drawn out welcome greetings in a stuffy room with no windows sounded like the worst way to begin the year. Whereas getting to know new peers while working on my tan lines sounded way better.

The rest of orientation was spent signing a few forms and spending my breaks catching up with OMS2 friends. It seems I am not the only one to leave our program this year. Actually, my class is down five people for various reasons. It feels nice to hold my head high and say "I did well in classes, but have just decided life has a different path for me." I wish I could give my grades to those that didn't do so hot on the exams last spring, but everything works out for a reason. Had I failed exams and had to repeat, I might not have given myself permission to admit the career wasn't what I wanted in the long haul.

Brandon said something wonderful as I passed him in the hallway. "Jess, MPH looks good on you. Whatever you are doing, keep doing it." You mean, being happy with where I am? I think I can handle that.

First Day of the Next 3 Years

2010-08-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

School starts today for my masters program.

I realized recently that I have a hard time with commitment. Not so much in the relationship sense, as once I like someone I'm happy just being with them and only them indefinitely, but in the career/life sense where I have been constantly changing since I was 18. Every one to two years since I turned 18 I've changed states, changed majors, changed countries, or changed careers. I have never lived in an apartment for longer than the original 12 month lease and in most of those cases I was traveling for at least 2 months of the lease. Most people in this world are afraid of change. They shy away from anything that would alter their life too drastically. They like routine and life in order. I, on the other hand, seem to embrace chaotic changes in a sense of urgency. I have no idea what I am like in a stable unwavering environment.

There have been many times in my life that I have been envious of those that stay put. I have a few very close friends that I see each year who seem to be quite satisfied to just hear updates and stories about adventures instead of living them themselves. The happy folk, unlike me, are not spending their time constantly searching under every rock on this green earth, but are just making do with what they have and enjoying their rocks on their patch of green earth.

While I don't think I will ever be adventure-less in life, I do think I could benefit from sitting still for awhile. I'm not making any promises, but let's see if I can stay at my apartment until I graduate in 2013 with a MPH/PA.* That would be a big accomplishment for my itchy feet. I'll potentially learn even more about myself than when I gallivant from one city and career to the next rapidly.

*Excluding all school breaks where I find it not only possible but mandatory to travel. Just staying in SF is going to be a feat. Even though I love that city so much, for me it's a big commitment to stay put for this long.

Towel Lingerer

2010-08-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

I really need to get some walls. The dinning room that is being converted to a third bedroom has two openings that will be transformed into walls. One is going to be filled with a cover canvas and then two solid bookshelves. The other is going to be cover canvased and house a large entertainment system for the living room. The furnishings will not only help reduce sound travel but will give the third bedroom privacy. It's not that I mind sleeping on a bed that is in the middle of our old common space, it's just that... well, I am a towel lingerer.

One of my personal joys in life is to shower and then wear the towel I dried off in as a wrap dress. Sometimes I lay in bed and nap in my towel or clip my nails or read a book. Some people enjoy coming home and taking their pants off. Some people enjoy sleeping naked. Me, I am a towel lingerer.

Africa agrees with me on this subject. Actually, the women in Tanzania have found a solution called the katunga. This is a rectangle shaped cloth that women wrap around their bodies after they shower and go about things around the house until they need to get dressed. The katunga can also be worn outside the house over other clothing. I personally enjoyed wrapping the colorful cloths around as a skirt over leggings or Eve & I turned them into bathing suit cover-ups in Zanzibar.


Eve & I jumping in katungas in Zanzibar (Jason in the background is not wearing a katunga)

The male version of the towel linger has come out in the popular show Jersey Shore as the shirt before the shirt. This is the tank that the men wear while inside the house but change into a different shirt right before leaving.

Towel lingering may be similar to the katunga or the shirt before the shirt, however it's not quite something you can do when you are missing a wall or two.

The Algarithm Called Life

2010-08-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

My brain works in two directions at once, and they are not parallel streets. The logical side of my brain is driving straight from point A to point B and answering all life questions in the form of multiple choice tests with one correct answer. It is happiest obeying every speed limit and listening to classic music. It's science, math, and logic. That's me; my professional, responsible, adult self.

The other side of my head is scattered in zigzags and running of the fuel off wonderment and exploration. It's haphazard driving throws caution to the wind. It creates a rollarcoaster of euphoric creativity and endless possibilities coupled with screeching tires and road blocks. That's me. I'm a hot mess.

It's probably a good thing that neither half of my brain is ever 100% in control.

So when I am faced with a detour, such as having a year to wait before PA school, both sides of my brain grab the wheel and pull in opposite directions. These past ten days I've been just barely holding on to my seat. Yesterday I finally put my hands back on the wheel and told both logic and rambunctious to buckle up. Here's what we're going to go, I said glaring in the rear view mirror at both of them, we're going to compromise, make a choice, and stick to it. Got it?

Logic, of course, wanted proof of the choice. Gut feeling wanted to just do it. In the end, both won. Using a business tool Jen learned in undergrad, Monica and I formulated my options in life this year. Then we determined a goal and the criteria for meeting that goal. Each criteria was assigned a weighted value comparatively, and voila. Gut feeling was right to begin with, and logic was satisfied.

The Final Score Board

If a 12 month international travel stint comes on my desk before August 23rd, I will be checking in to SFO. If not (which is the more likely case in this situation), then I will be waking every morning to do yoga or run, paint or write away my afternoons, and drive (this option requires a car) out to night classes where I'll study my nights away Monday through Thursday and treat myself to a three day weekend. It's best for my career, my mental health, and enables me to feed this desire to spend my time creatively that keeps poking me in the ribs. On Monday afternoon I meet with the head of the MPH program at Touro and request to join the Global Health section.

Gut feeling turns on a good tune (Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti & Spearhead) and turns up the volume. Logic adjusts it down a notch and smiles. And we drive on.

Best

2010-08-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

I realized today that I have been doing it wrong. I've spent all week in turmoil and turning to everyone saying "What should I do for the next year?" When today I finally got my answer (from Nana); "What do you want to do?" And then a light bulb came on. I've been pulling my hair out trying to find someone give me the answer and it was in front of me the whole time.

Eat Pray Love

2010-08-13T15:12:00.000-07:00

Mother of Them All

2010-08-13T00:27:00.000-07:00

No one can pull you back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remain unsaved. – Alice Sebold, Lucky

I've talked to everyone. I've talked to friends and family near and far, and talked to professionals in every field and level possible. Everyone has the same supportive answer; I applaud what you are doing. I just want you to be happy.

And PA will be a great career for me. Med school took the fun out of the job for me. PA lets me do the exact hospital work I want to do allow myself to have a personal life. I want a family someday and a super awesome person to share life with. PA is kind of like having my cake and eating it too.

But am I happy right now? Not in the least bit. And (as I have been painfully reminded by JP recently) there is nothing I can do about that in the short term. PA wouldn't start until fall 2011.

I feel like I'm stuck in Shirati all over again. Stuck and unable to leave; cut off from where I want to be and what I want to be doing.

It's kind of like meeting Mr. Perfect on Sunday night. You wasted away Friday and Saturday worrying and fretting over the alone state you were in, only to have him show up on Sunday.   Now all you do is wish you would have spent Friday and Saturday preparing for his arrival and just enjoying knowing he'd be there.

I know I'll get into PA school; I'm practically a shoe in. Even the Dean will write me a letter of recommendation for that. And I know I won't be alone forever. I'm way to cute and fun for that. But I am treading on thin water over a lake of depression here. My motivation to job search or even finish writing my PA application dwindles like a lit match. I was all ablaze a week ago.

This is the one time in my life when I wish my mother would put her foot down and tell me what to do. I remember when she used to try and tell me what to do and I wouldn't listen; like when I picked my high school program over the one she liked, rejected my parents college suggestions and jumped state lines, and ignored all plees against it when I move to Germany. But now when I have a year to kill and need some guidance what do I get? She is so wrapped up in her new health care company that she wants me to drop everything, move home, and join her on her venture. To which I stared blankly, just as confused as when my father insisted I go to Ripon College based on the fact that Harrison Ford attended ("Well, he's not there now," was my response). I think she misunderstood the question (What should I do? Not what do you do).

My mentor is the only one really giving me instruction and I'm eating it up. She's pushing me to get my masters right now.

It's full time night classes so I could get a simple job during the day or take an art class or offset school with a full time job. It would keep me busy for the year. It would put me back on the island. I am just weighing if it's the responsible thing to do for me. Financially it'd be much smarter to get a full time biotech gig again. But I suppose while some girls waste money on shoes, I do enjoy wasting money on travel and education so a Masters of Global Public Health is kind of right up my alley. Sounds like I'm talking myself into it.

In the grand scheme of life, I'll be a PA with an awesome balanced life of culture and travel, a fantastic partner, and someday mini people made of my crossed over chromosomes. Life will be bliss. And all that will start next fall when I get into PA school and start learning real medicine again. So in this short term I have right now, how do I want to remember it?

Using Time Wisely

2010-08-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

I am overwhelmed with the options I have over the next year and no idea what to do with them.

My mentor is pushing me to get my Masters of Public of Health.

Pros: I am prime for academics right now so it would be an easy transition, there is a global health emphasis that intrigues me, and it's at Touro where I am currently having separation anxiety from both studying and my peers there.
Cons: Racking up more education debt. It's night classes instead of full time days.

I've also been given these suggestions and none are jumping out at me;

Take the year to work as a bartender/waitress and party all the time

Pros: fun
Cons: not really mind boggling work so I would get bored and depressed quickly

Travel

Pros: OMG, I love it.
Cons: I'm a broke student remember? Someone has a stack of debt to work off if they aren't back in school full time and that person is me.

Going back to the biotech world

Pros: fat paychecks
Cons: I have 12 months to burn, not 5 years. Not only was the job unsatisfactory enough to make me leave it once, I would be leaving it again for schooling next fall.

Tutor local students

Pros: It would be a small income and be flexible
Cons: I would need a car and at least one other thing going on in life. It's not a sustainable idea to hold me for the year.

Write my novel and paint more

Pros: Well, obvi I'm going to work on that on the side.
Cons: Can't really do that full time either as when I am not a constructive member of society, I am useless at the keyboard and stare at blank canvases.

My roommate Jen has a life coach and offered to put me in touch with him. Then she said, "But I can save you a lot of time and money by just telling you what he will say. 'You already know what you have to do.'"

Current

2010-08-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

I'm working on posting the rest of Africa (moved the blogs into chronological order), but in the meantime I have to interject because my current situation is much more pressing.

Last week I un-enrolled from medical school. I put a lot of time and thought into it, even took an extended trip to the Midwest while I dwelled on my decision. It's not that I don't want to be a medical professional, but I look at the long intense 7 years ahead of me and found while working in a hospital this summer that the self inflicted guilt I would carry for not being able to balance a personal life was too much for me. Instead I want to be a PA (Physician's Assistant) but unfortunately it's not easy to transfer from one grad program to another so I have to sit out a year.

I'm not exactly pleased with this idea, but there isn't anything I can do (I've talked to every dean in the greater Bay Area).

To top it off, I normally handle my liquor well but have made some hasty moves after a few glasses of wine that haven't panned out quite the way I would have liked them to. Let's just say I came very close to ruining things with some very important people in my life. Not a moment I'm proud of.

So now what? I'm dusting myself off. Nothing a little time and sobriety won't cure.

Bucket List

2010-07-29T11:24:00.000-07:00

When you travel as much as I do, 'home' is a relative term. I enjoy both this video and the message of this clip. Every where I've gone in the world becomes home, because you are there. You, being each and every of my friends around this beautiful big world. Travel on my friends, and may home follow you like your shadow every step of the way.

Guy Walks Across America @ Yahoo! Video

Making Big Life Choices

2010-07-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

Home (all of them)

2010-07-17T16:26:00.001-07:00

I arrived to San Francisco with just enough time to see all the people I love; including my new roommate. Edison moved in while I was gone and my two bedroom apartment is becoming a three bedroom so that Jen, Edison, and I will now be nesting under one happy roof. How can I not be happy about this arrangement when our internet router is dutifully named 'Unicorns, Rainbows, and Lemondrops'? We are three lucky sugarplums.

It must be pixie dust in the air, because a few bottles of wine and a gorgeous spread prepared by Uttermann, and Abby & I solved all our life problems. Life is good in San Francisco.

But with school starting up in a few weeks, I will not be spending my time idle wondering her lovely streets (or 'his' streets, as I do believe if San Francisco had a pronoun it would be a gay male). So instead I spent today dumping my luggage into the washing machine and refolding it back into the suitcase it came from so I can catch a flight out tomorrow to the Midwest.

I'll arrive to Racine in time for dinner Sunday night (and to have mom wash the rest of the clothes I haven't gotten to yet) so that I can spend all day Monday with my lovely Mommy. I'm hoping to steal all her cooking secrets (little does she knows I'm considering this a 12 hour domestication class), or at least I hope to get one solid strawberry-rhubarb pie out of her. Dad's not off the hook either. I expect a full BBQ spread on the grill and full rights to his secret BBQ sauce.

I'll be in Racine a week, which should be just enough time to see all my loved ones from Mimi to Rachel up in Green Bay.

And do not dismay, my loyal fans, for I'll be in Minneapolis after Racine. I feel like both Wisconsin and Minnesota raised me so I should give them equal time. July 26th I'll arrive to help Kat finish unpacking (she is moving back from Portland!) and celebrate the summer with miss EBL. And I can't wait to see the Simmons and lovely lovely Angie. Now the only issue is who gets to cuddle with Brucie? I'm calling dibs now. ;)

So I will see you soon San Francisco. Until then, enjoy floating on your fluffy cool clouds. Cool, like a banana.

Heading to Zanzibar

2010-07-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

The trek from the Serengeti gates to Zanzibar was nothing to write home about. More villages and mediocre hostels dotted our journey for the next two days. The last afternoon we were anxious to reach the banks of Dar and were well ahead of schedule to arrive hours early when all traffic came to a full halt. For hours we had seen no other cars on the road in front or behind us unless we were passing through a town, but suddenly we were miles deep into a line of single lane traffic that was parked. Ahead of us we learned that a small military plane had crashed on the road and was blocking both lanes. We sat for two hours waiting to get through. Tanzania is not a place that has side roads or alternative options. The locals traveling around us seemed to be in no hurry to get back in their cars or start their engines. They accepted this delay like they accept everything that they experience in life. They seem to embrace a “It’s this and nothing else” mindset nonstop.

For us, however, it was interfering with our plans to the point of panic. The last ferry to leave Dar for Zanzibar was at 3pm and if we missed it, we were stuck on the mainland overnight. Not only would this be annoying, but also it would mean one less day on the island and the entire group was very anxious to see this oasis destination spot that we had heard so much about. Last years group of students had not prepared us for what we faced in the slightest bit, but they had repeatedly told us that the entire trip was worth the few days in Zanzibar. We were crossing our fingers that Zanzibar lived up to the hype and terrified that we might miss one of our precious days there.

Luckily our drivers were clever and quick. We made it to the docks of the ferry with one minute left to board and in a whirlwind of crazy we boarded. Porters grabbed our bags and begged for money as they loaded our items, tickets were handed out to the wrong people and we came up one short for our group, and onboard all seating was full so we huddled along the railing holding our backpacks at our ankles. But none of this mattered. We were on board and on our way. We waved to our drivers on the land and breathed in the deep salty air coming off the sea.

Serengeti

2010-06-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone I have ever talked to about Africa has warned me not to leave the country without going on a safari and climbing Kilimanjaro, so that is exactly what I did after leaving Shirati.

The students for Shirati and I loaded up three safari jeeps and drove out of town as fast as the cars could handle (which was about 15 miles an hour since the roads are over ran with potholes or cattle that has wandered out of the fields).

It took 12 hours to get to the Serengeti and with each village we passed through we realized how vast Tanzania really is. Miles of nothing but red clay road would come before us lined with vast fields of prairie grass and grazing cows and goats. The cows are not your typical black and white Wisconsin cows. These animals are much more of the cattle variety with long horns and beige solid coloring palate a 30-something women would use to decorate. The goats, mangy and gruffed, wander among the cattle hooves and bleat at roosters pecking in their way. The animals are about as slow as the African lifestyle and lazily nibble as they step out to cross the streets. Beyond them they do not seem to notice the never-ending horizon that stretches tight across the land into infinity.

By sunset we had reached the Serengeti and were well within her walls. The Serengeti itself is a vast game preserve that acts like an open zoo range. Within it animals are free to roam, living off the land and each other. But the tourist industry has made its impact on the area. Our jeeps were greeted with roads, paths, and maps detailing where to drive and the normal location of animal herds. From there it was as easy as going out for a Sunday drive to see herds of wildebeest, zebra, giraffe, and elephants. Hippos dotted the ponds, and lions lazily looked up from their naps while multiple jeeps crowded around to peer at the animal kingdom’s prides.

As the sun roasted itself into a vibrant sphere of red and sank, the land drained of color and transformed into a cabaret of shadows. Monkeys pulled on branches like levers making the leaves sway in circles. Zebras huddled to let their stripes blend as one making it impossible to tell where one animal ended and the other began. Gazelles bobbed up and down as they leaped across fields in large herds. And there, in the dusk, as the sun dipped its head in a final bow, we bowed our heads in gratitude to the lodge we pulled in to.

Beautiful dark wood lined its three-story entry and elegant antique furnishings awaited us. Desperate for showers and real furnishings, we dispersed to our rooms and to our utter delight; we turned the keys to enter. The rooms were not penthouses or anything, but to us, they were heaven.

In Shirati we slept on six-inch foam mattresses that lay on hand made wooden frames. The slates below were uneven in height and spacing making it not only a lumpy bed, but one that housed a sink hole directly below your tailbone. It was better than what we could have had (dirt floors and hay stacks) but awful enough to let us wake daily with complaints of pain. My back couldn’t take it and I wound up spending many nights shacking up at the hostel where the beds were firmer and I could almost sleep like normal. In the Serengeti, however, we would sleep on beds that can only be described as beautiful. Thick white comforters and real mattresses turned down to hug us to sleep. But not before we showered.

It has been four solid weeks since I had stepped in a shower. Not once in Shirati was I ever properly cleaned. I bathed as the locals did; out of a bucket. The water in the bucket could be from any number of sources. It would originate at the local lake and sometimes be boiled to clear it of parasites and sometimes, it would be just straight from the lake. Other times it seemed to be left over cooking water and once I watched it poured from a larger container that had a full fish head floating in it. When they handed it to me with a smile, my skin felt defeated. I gritted my teeth and set it next to the toilet to use for flushing instead of bathing. I resigned to whipping myself as clean as I could with the valuable baby whips I had luckily packed the night before leaving America. Since the pack only contained 25 whips and I had only two packs, these whips were rationed. Nightly I would weigh the option of attempting to clean myself verses saving a whip for the inevitable traveler’s diarrhea that would come and go with the local cooking. These were not the most pleasant moments of my journey.

The Safari hotel had running water, a working shower, and a full western toilet. My roommate and I immediate took advantage and trade off showers while the other sat on the comfortable bed uttering thanks to the Universe. Multiple layers of exfoliation later, we headed to the dinning hall. Since it was now 14 hours into our day, we spent the majority of dinner rubbing our eyes believing we were dreaming. Spread before us was a gorgeous restaurant and buffet lined with a variety of dishes. It was typically Tanzania cuisine, but the mere fact that it had been prepared in a normal kitchen made us thrilled to dive into it. Thick breads and rolls replaced the thin excuse for white bread that we had been eating the past month. Fresh squeezed juices from watermelon and papaya took the place of the soda we had been drinking to gain sugar in our diets. Rice, meat, fish, and vegetables served in curries and masala sauces lined the pans. Fresh salad bar toppings sat to another side. Although there was still no cheese or basil (the two items I craved most while in Africa), it was a very satisfying meal.

That night I woke with another nightmare. In Shirati I had begun to have reoccurring dreams that I was waking up at my apartment in San Francisco. Just as I would get out of bed in the dream, the walls would fall away. I would run around the house chasing and reaching out for everything in it only to get to my front door and step out into Shirati. I would be on the outskirt roads of town and standing in the red dirt road. Bikes and pedestrians would be walking around me as if I did not exist and there I would stand in pajamas. I would wake with a start and catch my breath to find myself just as predicted; in Shirati.

In the Serengeti I had a similar dream. This time I woke and was terrified of my surroundings. It took about 30 seconds for my eyes to adjust and realize I was not under a mosquito net or anywhere near Shirati. I flopped back into the blankets of comfort and tried to breathe deeply. I was one day further from Shirati and one day closer to my kitchen.

The next two days were spent driving through the plains and spying on the local residents. The elephants didn’t seem to mind that we stopped by to watch them snack on their lunch and the lionesses would gaze at us in disinterest as they walked along side us, only a few feet beyond the windows of our jeep they would smirk as if to say, “Don’t worry, you’re not worth my time. But that wildebeest in the far field is.”

We spent an entire morning in the Serengeti Crater, a deep bowl in the earth lined on its rim with steep red clay roads, and sunk in its center was a lake animals flocked to and from to get their daily fill. On our way out of the crater the sky hung low in a fog and the dew from the night before clung to the road. The red clay glowed bright orange and its green curtains glistened with specks of dew. If I hadn’t know what year it was, I would assume Jurassic Park was in fact real and living in these parts of the world. After leaving the crater we headed to pride rock, which does in fact exist. On the outskirts of the Serengeti rock formations jut here and there creating small piles of rock and scrubs. Lion prides that are not napping in the tall grasses, tend to congregate on these rocks in the morning to scope out the land and soak up the sun. Although no lion king and his baboon right hand man were presenting cubs, it was still a spectacular sight.

Then, just like any park or zoo, we left through a large gate. And just like that, we were out of the Serengeti and making our way to Dar (a city along the east coast of Tanzania) where we would catch a ferry to Zanzibar.

Shirati

2010-06-26T18:22:00.000-07:00

June 4 - 25, 2010

Africa smells. It's the first thing you notice when you step off the plane. It's a familiar stench. Something you don't ever get quite used to, but tolerate after awhile. It smells like an unclean zoo. There's a logical explanation; no one used toilet paper or cleans their hands. At first, I blame poverty. Eastern Africa (I landed in Kenya and traveled by car for 14 hours to Tanzania) is one of the poorest areas of the world. That being said, the first market I stopped at had both toilet paper and soap displayed out front for 1/4 the cost of one soda (and people love their Coke-a-Cola here). There was also plenty of water for flushing the toilets, showering, and cooking. So really, there is no excuse.

Beyond the smell, there is the dirt. Rich, red, dusty, heavy dirt lines the roads, the paths, and the yards. It sticks to everything whether you notice it or not. Never once while in the country did I ever not have dirt on me somewhere. Dirt that no amount of anti-bacterial or soap would remove completely. This led me multiple times to believe that I was tan, but that was in fact a dirty lie.

Shirati, the village where I was stationed, had one main road. The road was about a block long and had on it a few small markets, seamstresses, and one local bar "The Royal Pub". The bar was the only restaurant in town and served exactly when the host families would serve (well, depends on the family I suppose). The bar's beer was served warm, as were their sodas, but that did not stop us from frequenting the pub during world cup games when a small 19 inch TV would be plugged into a 4 foot diameter satellite dish. The entire village would come out and we would all squint to try and make out the white dot batting back and forth across the screen.

The days in Shirati blended together into one long never ending day shortly after my arrival. We'd meet in the morning at the hospital and wait 1-2 hours for the doctors to leisurely arrive after their breakfast. Then we would go on rounds in the various departments (male ward, female ward, pediatrics, maternity, etc). Rounds would consist of us huddled around the nursing students to hear the few English words the doctor would speak after conversing in Swahelli with the patients. Some cases, there wouldn't even be any English words but a glance at the chart would confirm that the patient, like the other 90% of cases here, had malaria (a parasite transferred by mosquitos in this part of Africa that is treatable if the patient gets to the hospital on time and has a working immune system). The rest of the day would be spent trying to find something to do at the hospital (out patient area, surgeries, emergency cases, AIDs ward, etc). As the days progressed I realized that I had no drive to work in any of these areas. If there wasn't a surgery or emergent case, I would simply slip out the back door and meet my peers at the hostel.

My lack of drive for the very career that I am embedding myself into was frustrating to me, but I took a backseat objective view. This is summer, and as such, I'm not going to push myself to do anything I don't want to do. It was then that it first dawned on me; maybe I shouldn't be doing things I don't want to do during the normal school year. I let this thought dwell on the back burner in Africa's heat as I walked through the cow fields and past the free range chickens to meet my friends.

This summer would have been unbearable if I had been working like the residences; alone. Luckily, however, I was with 14 other students from my class which included a few of my favorites. That meant that afternoons were full of running to the soccer field to do drills (sans normal weights, we lifted rocks like cavemen), frisbee in the front yard, and (of course) day drinking. Since local beer is served warmed, I quickly became a fan of a pineapple rum called Zed and alternated between that and the local gin. The alcohol was served in small packets (kind of like a capri sun, but no straw). The drinks mixed easily with the cold soda flavors of Fanta black current or pine nut, or even the ginger Stoney soda. A few hours of this and then it was time to head back to our host families for dinner.

Since the local establishments did not provide restaurant options and we were not proved a kitchen of our own (or even a camp fire stove like my host family cooked on), we were forced to eat at our host families. For some, this was a pleasurable feast of local cuisine. For others like myself, this was a sometimes stressful meal with great anticipation.

My host family had never hosted before and then three girls we lived with (sisters of age 30, 24, and 18 with a frequent guest of the oldest sister's daughter who was 6) were both underprepared for westerners and uneducated as to how to have guests. This made my first week there hell.

Although age is just a number, education and upbringing have a lot to do with that number. Our youngest sister at age 18 was mentally the equivalent of 12 year old in America. However unlike most pre-teens in the US, she was the head of the house for the summer. This included cooking, cleaning, and shopping for everyone under her roof. This explains why my transition was slightly more difficult than originally anticipated.

Our meals started off including nothing more than thin white bread and butter for breakfast, overcooked spaghetti noodles for lunch, and rice for dinner. Between the heat and the lack of nutrients I was getting, I began fainting regularly during hospital rounds (not something I should be doing in the middle of giving patients physicals). Finally my roommate and I spoke with our hospital director who was more than happy to give our host family guidance.

Then we began to eat 'normally'. We had fresh papaya and sliced cucumbers with our bread, butter, and tea in the morning. Lunch would be beans, rice, sometimes fresh roasted talapia fish (straight from the lake to the pan to the plate; descale yourself), or fried eggplant in a masala sauce. Dinner would consist of potatoes, fried cabbage in masala, fried plantains, or deep fried chicken (so that's how they turned off the morning alarm clock...). Occasionally we would have chapata (fried tortillas that resembled thick crepes) or mandazi (home made donuts freshly fried up). Never would you feel too full, but at least you started to have a little more energy.

One night my roommate and I made our host family dinner; burritos. The avocados in Tanzania were darker than eggplants and as large as my head. Guacamole was easy to make and a tasty treat that my family had never considered adding to their meals. Homemade tortillas, and a cabbage & tomatoes salad to top the beans & rice and we had some serious burritos. There is no cheese in town, but that just topped the long list of other items we missed from modern western grocery stores (mainly basil; oh sweet sweet basil I missed you so much) so our American-Mexican feast was served without.

Market day was every Monday and it was the only day I could tell what day of the week it was. The hospital shooed us out by 3pm so we had time to walk to the outskirts of town where the market was set up. Everything from live chickens to fabric to foot long knives were for sale. The clothing section looked more like Good Will vomited on a field than a shopping center, but people crowded in trying to find good pieces of western clothing that would fit them. Seeing Wisconsin State Fair shirts and old GAP sweaters around town makes you realize just how much the Western world has impacted the far corners of the world. The items I purchased were the opposite though. I left the market each week with arms full of radiant patterned clothes that were lined with sayings written in swahili. The cloth could be taken to local seamstresses to be sewn into clothing or, like I did, could be cut in half and used as a sundress tied around your neck (the perfect clothing for our later adventures in Zanzibar).

On the off chance that something exciting would happen, I stumbled into the operating theater one weekend. Low and behold a women was in for a C-section and I not only scrubbed in, but did most of the work on the operation. The attending doctor made the first cut and doubled checked my work as I went along directing me what to place where. After the baby was born we continued the operation for a bilateral tubal ligation (cutting the fallopian tubes) and then sewed up four layers to close the patient. The attending did the last set of stitches to ensure the least scar possible. It felt amazing to have that much control in the operating room.

Yet ten minutes later I found myself bored again when rounding on other patients. I was even agitated later when my fellow peers and I were quizzing each other out of a review book to pass the time. There is something wrong when you find yourself annoyed by studying. Sure, studying gets bothersome from time to time. And yes, a class or two in college and leave you hating school, but those classes are never in your major because your chosen path should be enjoyable or at least the fulfillment of the end product should motivate you to be able to handle the hard work involved. Another pot for me to set on the back burner.

When we finally left Shirati, it was bliss. For so long I have thought I was cut out for Doctors without Borders or if not the 2 year trips to remote locations, at least 3 months of solid work in countries that could really use my skills. But pulling out of Shirati I realized I would rather lick the dirt floors of the village than have to be stationed there for any length of time; especially alone on assignment.

Cairo, Egypt

2010-06-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

June 1, 2010

Cairo is dusty. Not dirty in the sense that streets are filthy (which they are), but dusty. Sand cakes the town like a low hanging blanket that hazes your view. The streets are five lanes wide, but the lanes are unmarked (or the markings are a 'suggestion' only) so hundreds of cars weave and squish together at high speeds. Every car I saw had multiple dings and side swipes embedded on it from previous trips to the store. And most cars, if not all of them, were crammed full of twice as many people as there are seats. Our car was no different. In a van made to fit 5 people, we squished 8 people and 16 bags of luggage. Let's all take a moment to recall that my group is traveling for 7 weeks. Thus the luggage is not little or light, so how we all fit into the van is still a puzzle to me.

After the rides, there were more rides - on camels. We dropped our luggage and regrouped just in time to pile back in vans and drive to a remote part of town where we climbed on top of camels. The camels, strung together in lines of six, were led by small boys no older than 10, through miles of sand to the pyramids. We stopped for pictures and to climb onto the first few layers of stone before the heat hit us. Even the head dresses they required us to wear didn't help much. Sweat dripped down our temples as we waved to the Sphinx and wished our camels could gallop back, but they just trudged on slow and steady.

The camels conveniently stopped outside a shop where the owners spent the next hour trying to get us to purchase everything they had for sale. No shop owner took no for an answer. When it got really bad, we left without even a polite thank you just to get the owners off our backs.

Then it was on to Kenya so we boarded another plane and flew down the side of the world into the heart of Africa.

The Amazing Race

2010-05-30T00:11:00.000-07:00

As per multiple requests, I will be updating my blog over the next week or so with detailed workings of my adventures to Africa. Enjoy die hard fans.

May 30th, 2010

We arrived to the SFO international airport on Sunday May 30th to check in for our flights to Africa only to find that half of our group did not have tickets booked. Some people had flights that were listed as refunded. Others had rerouted flights to JFK New York with no connection across seas. It was a mess.

In the end, the six of us (of 22) that did have flights, boarded the plane with instructions from our professor to get to Cairo and wait. It was every middle school's dream - to be free from chaperones - and our nightmare - to have no guide for this intense trip to a desolate village in Africa somewhere.

In the end it worked out and the rest of our group, including our professor, arrived in Cairo only 18 hours after we did, but for the first day and a half of traveling it was nerve wrecking. As medical students we have had no time to prepare for this voyage (other than the packing I did hours before heading to the airport, I was not briefed on anything, not even the name of the village we were heading to). All of the details we left to our professor as this was her seventh year heading the program. The packets of information she handed us on Sunday morning were a disaster. Knowing we wouldn't have time to prepare during finals, we had all brought the packets to read on the plane. However, the information was off. The hotel in Cairo no longer existed. The driver's number did not go through to a working phone number. So here we were in Egypt, waiting a day for our group to arrive, with no sense of direction other than a compass on the wall pointing us towards Mecca (and I kid you not, I almost stopped to kneel and pray because at this point who knows what's going to happen).

After our group arrived we met them at their hotel with hugs and relief. Now the summer could begin (or so we hoped. We were still well aware of the fact that we were only half way to our destination and leery of the fact that we not only need to get to Africa, but we needed to get home at the end of summer somehow).

Bon Voyage

2010-05-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Africa. I will be back in America on July 16th, but there is a good chance I will just turn around and leave again. That's what happens when you fall for someone that is currently on a world tour. The man I like, likes traveling as much as I do. It might just be the fix my itchy travel feet need. As for international dating; I'm oddly comfortable with this. As Parker would say in his American impression of me, "Eh, It will all work out."

Med School friends on a cruise around San Francisco Bay to celebrate exams finishing.

We look good on a boat.

Until next time. I love you, San Francisco.

Post Secret

2010-05-24T17:03:00.000-07:00

I think I am really funny. So much so, that I like to twitter things just so I can reread them and laugh out loud.
I also like to facebook stalk myself.

Apparently it is true; doctors are full of themselves.

I think we have a winner

2010-05-23T11:42:00.000-07:00

The man-friend is going for "Man-Friend of the Year" award. I like it. A lot.

"Good morning gorgeous, Hope studying is going well. (At where we met) Brought back some very good memories from last year. In case I don't get a chance to message you tomorrow - best of luck with your exams. I'm sure you have worked your socks off and you will ace them! xx"

It will all work out

2010-05-22T11:27:00.000-07:00

I am the best women-friend ever. Inspired by Eve, I have placed a few tricks up my sleeve. I'd tell you, but that would spoil the surprise.

Can't wait for;

All this med school knowledge to get in my head
To pass these exams
To see the man-friend
For Kat to arrive!
For boat party (which has turned into collision of the med-school, SF, and MPLS friends - hell if they all like me, they will probably all like each other)
AFRICA in 8 DAYS!

Just got all my shots for Africa - OUCH - the most expensive round of shots I have ever purchased (and they were nonalcoholic!).

Okay, back to studying.

Oh dear

2010-05-20T17:22:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I am not met for med school. Maybe I should have been a PA or PT or phlebotomist. How can I get seven years and 80K into realizing my career dreams and be considering other options?

Elizabeth Gilbert told a short story in the middle of Eat, Pray, Love (chapter 49) about a man who traveled and searched for years trying to figure out life. When he returned home he told his father of all of his life long adventures and how he had finally found peace with meditation. "It's crucial for teaching serenity. It can really save your life. It teaches you to quit your mind." the son said to his father. His father turned to him and said kindly, "I have a quiet mind already, son"

A fibrillating heart is quivering because all of it's pacemaking cells are firing at different speed, a shock of electricity, like an overload of firing potential, restarts the heart in a calm smooth pattern making all the cells that questioned their beat now fall in line. Similar to how patients with ADD, a quivering of focus if you well, are given drugs that over stimulate their neurons effectively 'shocking' them into calm focus. Did it take seven years of focus, a giant stack of debt, and the most intense schooling on the planet to effectively shock my system?

Or am I just freaking out over finals?

At the same time I want to jump ship, I want to flee the country. I love San Francisco. It will always be where I choose to live in America. And although I really thought I would never want to leave a place I've dreamed of living in since I was 12 - just like my career, I'm weighing my options. Sydney whispers in my ear. (I know you all thought I would say London, right? Well I might... someday. You never know)

Slow Me Down

2010-05-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

Warning

2010-05-12T16:47:00.001-07:00

FYI: I'm going to be MIA this month til right before I fly like paper planes.

Just keep runnin' runnin' runnin' runnin'

2010-05-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

Finally I have a free moment. This week I have been running ragged trying to make up for spending last weekend with the girls in Vegas.

I've canceled all group obligations this weekend and refuse to enroll in any. Instead I scheduled myself much needed me time starting with a haircut tonight and a spa treatment after class tomorrow. Saturday is an all day me fest of studying with a pot of tea after I pick up fresh flowers at the farmer's market. Sunday I'll hit the climbing gym and running trails with some close friends before cashing in early to make sure I'm on my A game by Monday.

Monday is going to be a full day (but that is really the case with every day of medical school, isn't it?). I have class in the morning, election speeches at lunch*, and then picking up a very special package at the airport.

*This year I was very careful to make myself not run for an office of any sorts at school even though I have wanted to. The only thing I would allow myself to be involved with was Global Physician's Corp and my Tanzania group. With the program concluding at the end of the summer I'll have time to do one position somewhere on campus. Since I had multiple people ask if I was running for President next year (the current class pres is stepping up to be the school pres) I'm going to go for it. There are other strong candidates in the running (what? motivated organized people in medical school? no way!), but I might as well throw my hat in the ring and see where it lands. As such, I have to give a speech Monday afternoon. Hmm.

Unique yet Stereotyped - My Bipolar Disorder

2010-04-28T21:30:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile I like to poke at a site that boasts it can find a unique the perfect gift for anyone. It asks a series of questions (Would this person like reading a book or playing a video game? etc) and identifies the type of person the gift receiver is (wait, so that person isn't unique?!). Then it offers a selection of items that type of person would enjoy.

The beauty is that it is every time I do it, I get a different personality. Depends on the day, the month, my current interests. I haven't done it in awhile so I poked at it today while procrastinating. This time around they gave me two personalities (bi-polar?!).

Gifts for The Hipster

Morning Ritual: Decaf soy latte at a local independent coffee shop.
Does a soy latte from the random coffee cart at med school count if it's my only on campus option?
Uniform: Vintage, alternative, original — no head-to-toe trends for her.
Or sweatpants... 11 days left and counting.
On her iPod: Indie rock, downtempo electronica, local DJ mixes, YouTube videos.
Hit the nail on the head.
Reading List: Art, film, music and fashion pieces.
No. But nice try. Give me Elizabeth Gilbert or the Life of Pi.
Ride: If the sun is shining: her Vespa. If not: her Mellow Yellow Mini Cooper.
Weird, I just booked a rental mini cooper...
Mantra: Friends don't let friends drink Starbucks.
False. Friends don't friends order anything BUT a soy chai latte from Starbucks - True.

Gifts for The Adventurer

Can't Live Without: The Great Outdoors, her passport, adrenaline.
Who me?! Travel?! Never...
Uniform: It's gotta perform to be worn — fleece, microfiber and Gore-Tex.
Now we're talking my kind of fashion!
On her GPS: Back roads from the Blue Ridge Mountains to Bengalooru.
Current google map is set to the running trail to the GG bridge.
Reading List: Outside magazine, Lonely Planet, Into the Wild.
OMG yes please. Is it weird that I buy a Cosmo and an Outside at the same time?
Ride: Mountain bike, kayak, surfboard, skis, roller blades, hang glider, parachute.
You just described my perfect man.
Mantra: If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room.
Actual real life montra; What a good day.

If I'm gonna be bipolar, I will take an adventure hipster any day. Even if I didn't buy myself any of their adventure hipster gifts... I did buy a new canon powershot off Amazon though. ;)

Now find out what you are (don't lie - it's fun);
http://www.gifts.com/finder

No, I don't run a company so I don't have any internships

2010-04-26T08:05:00.000-07:00

The amount of international friends that have asked me if I knew of an internship for them for three weeks is ridiculous. It's worse than the emails I get about the guys in third world countries that need me to give them my bank account number so they can deposit a large sum of money to me... Except these internship seekers are people I have met/know from my travels so instead of clicking SPAM, I have to respond.

Anyone that is looking to come to America here are the details;

1. We don't normally let people work for us for only three weeks. That is barely enough time to fight the jetleg you'll have.

2. If your English is so bad that when you ask me you have grammar and spelling errors, maybe you should try another English class first.

3. Interns are typically UNPAID. So stop trying to think you can pay for your vaca to the great US of A with three weeks of working as an intern.

4. I am in MEDICAL SCHOOL. Why on this green Earth would you think I can find you a marketing job at a top company in America? (One person directly asked me if I could get them an internship at NBC).

5. No I will not sign off on your loans/papers/visa and be your responsible party.

Look people, when I wanted to work and live abroad, I worked for an American company who had an international department and got transferred. I did it WITHOUT knowing anyone in Germany. If you really want to come to America and experience all there is to offer, do it.... without being rude to me and my friends. We are not your head hunters.

Rant over.

They come two by two

2010-04-25T10:14:00.001-07:00

Or three and then one. Guest start to pour in today. The weather is gorgeous and I'm heading out to run errands and pick up fresh flowers for the dinning room table. Life is going to be jam packed until the end of July. As Nana likes to remind me, "Create time to enjoy it." And that is just what I plan on doing.

German girls arrive today and stay til the 29th
Exam on the 29th
Vegas with the German girls 30-May 2nd
Monica's birthday May 4th
Fundraiser for Africa May 5th
Study weekend May 8-9th
James arrives May 10th
Baseball game May 11th
Anatomy exam May 17th
Finals May 24-27th
Concert OK GO May 27th
Kat arrives May 28th
Sunset happy hour cruise May 28th
Leave for Africa May 31st
Tanzania internship
Safari around Serengeti til July 3rd
Hike Kilimanjaro July 3-13th
Cairo, Egypt July 13-16th
New York City/Boston July 16-20th
Milwaukee/Minneapolis July 20-27th
San Francisco July 28th

Career Choices

2010-04-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

Now we know; I am crazy with no attention span (although I think we already knew that). Can't wait to see where Remy winds up. I'm going Peds or Internal Med according to this chart.

April Showers

2010-04-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

Spring break has come and gone so quick that I don't feel like I actually had a break. Now school is back up in session and I already have a stack of books and projects higher than I can see over.

We had a big fundraiser for Africa last week. I sold three paintings. I've never sold artwork so I was pretty nervous about it. Turns out - people loved it. They loved it so much that I'm already being asked to make more. My african sunset sold for $80. If you subtract out supplies and time, that is a $40-45 profit. Of course, the full 80 went towards the fundraiser this time, but it makes me wonder if I could run a small side business. I wouldn't complain about having a few extra dollars and I like to break from studying to paint anyhow. Hmm. Too tired to think more about it right now.

It probably doesn't help that I ran a half marathon last weekend. I didn't train for it like I should have so instead I busted out 13.1 miles in 2h30 by the skin of my teeth. I ran the first 10 in 1h45 so I was doing well at keep close to 10 min miles. Then I decided not to injure myself and just wogged (walk/jogged) the rest in. I like half marathons a lot better than a full (like I ran two years ago in Minneapolis). 26.2 miles is killer whereas 13.1 is semi-doable.

I learned some valuable race day knowledge this time. Mainly that I need to work on being faster so when I get done there are still size small Tshirts left. Who runs a half marathon that is a size XXL?! That, and if I finish earlier they won't run out of water bottles. The reason I ran was to replace my Twin Cities Marathon water bottle, and then I finish and they are out! Luckily Erik (who finished in just under 2h - such a show off!) gave me his. As he put it "This dinky thing is a gulp for me, I will never use it." I, on the other hand, will use it daily and proudly as if toting around a trophy that says "My legs are in shape."

Now if only I could get my brain in shape. Between spring break, the fundraiser, and the race, I have been way too worn out to study. Yesterday was the first day in a week that I cracked open a book. Lucky for me, I have scheduled my weekend to be nothing but library time.

Sadly, I will probably spend a few minutes this weekend pouting in the library as the majority of my friends are at Cochella (a HUGE music fest in LA with a lot of my favorite bands - including a live concert by the Gorillaz). I really really wanted to go, but spring break shopping and med school studying nixed the idea of spending money and wasting time. There will be many things in life while I am in school that I have to sacrifice. This is one of them.

Enjoying that kind of leisure was part of my pre-med school life, back when I had unlimited free time and a fat paycheck. Every day I keep asking myself if I'm in the right place (med school/career/etc) and so far I think I am. I was talking to a good close friend of mine today (my best friend from kindergarten) and she said the same thing. If she, brilliant and gorgeous, is facing the same questions I am in life, I bet the majority of my generation is doing the same thing. Good, at least I'm not the only one that double checks their life path on a daily basis.

Mom is pushing for me to work on a novel. And I secretly think there would be an audience out there that would read it. Especially if I'm not the only one daily double checking life. Do I have time to write such a thing? Um, no. But I suppose I could blog a novel (I kind of already do). Mom has already signed up to be my editor.

And Dad is on board to help me set up an art website. Maybe it will be a family business. Who knows.

Life is full of opportunities. Speaking of which, one is arriving in a few weeks so I'd better get a head start on these notes so I have some free time in May.

2010-03-28T03:29:00.001-07:00

SPRING BREAKKKK!!!

RF

2010-03-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

I'm better (hence the lack of intense rant blogging today), but I still have a cough I can't fully shake. Maybe I have rheumatic fever and it's going to give me a mitral stenosis due it's autoimmune effects. Ah! Med school makes me think I'm physically falling apart, because with all the things that could go wrong, it just doesn't make logical sense that things would work out fine. Ignorance can be bliss sometimes.

Sick

2010-03-13T11:18:00.001-08:00

I rant a lot when I'm sick.

I'm sick of being sick.

Rant over.

Delta

2010-03-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

The symbol Delta means change. A symbol in my math and science career that I very used to. And as they say, change is good. The latest Delta Airline changes, however, have been anything but good.

As a well seasoned traveler for both work and pleasure, my flight last October to Munich was anything but pleasant. First I was delayed overnight in Minneapolis. Then I was delayed in Amsterdam. When I finally arrived in Munich (over 24 hours late) they had lost my baggage. This posed a problem as it was a national German holiday so I couldn't even buy clothes. Long story short (and many fights with customer service - As a Gold Member, I would have NEVER been treated that way with NWA), Delta agreed to take care of my claim.

However, they didn't. They never reimbursed me for the items I had to purchase because I didn't have my suitcase for two full days (reminder, I arrived a full day late, so I was already wearing my clothes too long. And that holiday, was a Saturday. And stores aren't open on Sundays in Germany. So I waited over 72 hours to get new clothing. Low and behold, I bought clothing and that evening my suitcase FINALLY resurfaced). Instead they are giving me the run around.

They requested a letter. I wrote one.
They requested receipts. I sent them.
They are now requesting ticket stubs.

You've got to be kidding me! From October?! I have moved TWO times since then.

Delta is a waste of time.

Now, as I try to use up my miles so I can be rid of them forever, it turns out my miles are useless. Booking a trip from SFO to BOS, two big international airports, is ridiculous on Delta. They want 32,000 miles for a oneway ticket and $75 dollars. I'm booking a flight on April 1st... more than two weeks in advance and you want to charge me $75 dollars to use my miles? And you won't even give me an option to upgrade because I'm using miles?

Instead I used a ticket voucher. I wasted a perfectly good $200 voucher on a one-way ticket because it was cheaper than using up my miles. Ridiculous.

At least I can use the miles quickly. 60K got a flight for a friend to come visit me from Minneapolis. (Note, Minneapolis is a NWA hub, or was, so flights from MSP used to be 25K. Now it's 60K and $88. Unless the weather in MSP has recently become the same as San Diego, there is no reason to put numbers and prices like that up).

As for my Delta frequent flyer miles, I'd sell them, but they are worth less than dirt.

United, on the other hand, is 12,500 miles and a $2.50 processing fee for a one-way (need I mention, nonstop with an upgrade?).

When I book my flight to Africa and subsequent other big trips this year I know what company I'm going with.

Rant over. Bags packed.

Kale

2010-03-11T21:10:00.001-08:00

I've been using this blog to journal my crazy adventures since college, and it's been a good ride, plenty of ups & downs and sideways barrels. Since starting med school, however, I've found that my crazy worldly adventures are not as numerous (go figure). Instead I have about ten to fifteen minutes a day with random thoughts in the middle of class (a lot like college, actually). This blog may take a slight detour.

What the heck is kale?! And why do people eat it? It taste like dirt and is chewier than rubber bands. Gross. Rant over.

February - Leap Year?

2010-02-27T21:25:00.000-08:00

When you learn so much material in such an intense manner, it makes the world move extra fast and extra slow.

On one hand, you are forced to accomplish so much in a day that you forget that only 24 hours have passed. On the other, you are so busy that you barely notice the weeks fly by and suddenly you realize that it's March.

Luckily I've been able to fully enjoy the few moments I've had before school gets intense again. Abby's Mexican Party Bus turned out to be ridiculous (as predicted), the med school dance team did their final performance (TU-California lost to our sister school TU-Neveda, but our dance team beat theirs. And that is really what medical school is all about - the winning dance team.), and Zoe planned a fantastic night out for Shabu Shabu (all you can eat meat and veggies that you cook in a pot of spices at your table. Conveniently served with all you can drink Japanese beer and Sake).

As March sneaks in rapidly, I can't help but flip the calendar and note that there are some upcoming grand celebrations headed my way.

The last week of March is spring break. I won't be tearing off my shirt at a beach resort (Spring Break!!) but I am very much looking forward to having a whole ten days to set up my house, get furniture, and go shopping. Of course, domesticating myself also means acquiring some other domestic habits - like drinking wine all day while you clean the house (Side bar - I've realized why housewives drink white wine. It's because red wine stains.). Ah, settling into old age has it's perks.

April - There is a 50% chance I will spend a weekend going to Cochella (a large outdoor music festival outside of LA) purely so I can see Passion Pit, Hot Chip, and the Gorillaz live. My only reason for holding back is finances. Even though the government was gracious and gave me all my taxes back (which was a lot - I used to make nice bank), I kind of want to save a good portion for Africa.

In April the German girls show up as well. There are three of them coming now. Which is great because they can entertain themselves around the city and then I won't stress out about what to do with them.

May - Is only two months away!? How did that happen?! So much to do!

June - Is only three months away?! And I'll be in Africa?! Gee time flys in Med School.

February - Guh!

2010-02-21T20:25:00.000-08:00

My blog updates are progressively becoming more like monthly recaps. I guess that is just part of how medical school changes life so drastically.

Speaking of school, I failed my first exam. It was brutal and my own damn fault. I knew that moving back to SF would be a big project, but setting up my living situation (aka getting a bed frame, finding a desk, etc) took way more effort that I originally anticipated. The worst part is that I failed my favorite section - anatomy. I am so ashamed. I find out this week just how badly I am in trouble and if it's still manageable to pass this semester.

I'm learning very quickly how to pinpoint distractions and finding out that removing those distractions is a lot harder than I originally thought. Putting my foot down and cutting out some of the key distracters has put me in more than a few awkward positions recently. I've had tears, begging, and drunken debauchery thrown at me. As someone who used to have more free time than she knew what to do with; it's hard to look at someone that you would have otherwise enjoyed in your life and tell them, 'I'm sorry, but I can't.' It makes me feel like a lousy friend. Especially when they throw out how I am being selfish.

Am I selfish? Yes. But I have to be. The few moments I do have away from my studies are reserved. Medical school makes any free time weighted with a value that is unmatchable. When I do have time off (like this weekend) it's reserved for me, my biggest supporters, and my future.

My closest friends and supporters have really shown their true colors lately. I am so blessed to have people who respect my school. I love that they cherish the few moments we have as much as I do and they never complain when I disappear for weeks at a time with my nose in a book. Let this be a lesson to all those that know a medical student - the more you respect their studying, the more they will respect you. My biggest supporter out here in SF is Abby. When I complained to multiple parties this week about how I failed an exam, every person said the same thing, "I'm sure you did better than you thought you did. You'll be fine." But Abby put her foot down and said, "I love you, but I will love you more as a Doctor because I know that is what you want. So go figure out how you can go forward from here. And make sure you ace the next exam." Bless her with countless cupcakes of happiness.

There are so many options in Medical school for outreach programs, or early clinical exposure. It's hard not to sign up for every chance that is presented. I want to be a good doctor so I want to spend time doing these things like volunteering at Mavericks, the surf competition held south of San Francisco. There is just something wonderful about being a medic when disaster strikes. This year a rogue wave came in and washed the tide 40 feet further than expected. It took out speakers, tents of food and supplies, and almost took out the watch tower. It left over seven people injured and I was one of four medics working that morning. There are two fields that I am highly considering; Sports Medicine and Emergency Medicine. This was both in one. Holy smokes. The doctor I worked with was an amazing DO who is trained in both fields. She's a marathon running married to a surfer with gorgeous children. This women has it all - and has a personality. I think I've found my mentor! When I grow up, I want to be her (she's the one in the red jacket in the video link below. I make a cameo at the end - white polo and stunner shades).

Rogue Wave Injures Spectators
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCLZ9Z3gJQ8

And there are those few after school activities that you just can't pass up. Like being a member of the med school dance team. The Pharmacy school plays the Medical class once a year in basketball. The doctors cleaned court both in the game and at halftime. Next week we take on Touro-Nevada. The basketball team and dance team show up Thursday night and attend classes with us here at the California campus on Friday. It's sure to be a highlight of semester.

Touro Medical School 2010 Dance Team
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCzvsJHKOJg

Dating in medical school is the toughest part. I really thought I had found someone last fall that I fit well with and respected school as much as I did, but he disappeared without every saying why. It takes a toll on your confidence when the person you like is suddenly gone. Not that I haven't been broken up with before. I think we all remember that I was quite depressed over the last one that left me. I suppose time heals all wounds (that and a lot of ice cream), but it just sucks when you think you are ready for something again and then they aren't. I'm becoming more and more cautious with my heart.

I've been doing the online dating thing. I figure with how busy I am it would make sense to really screen the potentials and not waste my precious free time. It hasn't produced much results, sadly.

But, as with any fairy tale, there is always hope of a Prince Charming. And he does indeed live in a land far far away. I've been trying to shake him but he is a persistent one. He's coming to visit soon and we shall see. If he still likes me after he sees what a train wreck I am, well then we may be on to something. If not, well, then at least we know to write off thoughts of tea and crumpets.

School starts up again tomorrow morning and I face my academic adviser. I've already warned him of what is coming on my grade report. I have vowed to make better choices going forward and rock the next exams. He was supportive and mindful. He carefully said, "I know I don't have to remind you that there is a fine line between optimism and denial." That is a tough statement to hear.

Am I optimistic that I can have it all? San Francisco? Medical school? A relationship that matters? Friends? Or am I just in denial and pretending to be super women when I am merely mortal?

I've started to admit my real hair color and age. Perhaps it's time to also admit my shortcomings - I set the bar too high for myself and refuse to settle. I'm stubborn. I'm idealistic. I'm ruthless when it comes to only dating a certain caliber of men. I'm awful at relationships because I am way to scared to open up to anyone. I blame myself when it doesn't work out. I like spaghettios more than I should. I hate my furniture. I've spent more money than I was allotted this semester. And more often than not, at the end of a day I feel like I ran a 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym. Yep, I'm a train wreck. Parker's gonna have his hands full.

January - Whew.

2010-01-28T13:26:00.001-08:00

Holy buckets I've been busy. School started back up and things are in full swing. Next Monday is my second exam already (yes, you read that correctly - SECOND. I have already taken an exam last week). School doesn't show any signs of letting up til Spring Break (last week in March) and then it will be full force til the end of May (HUGE exam block the last week of May). Sigh, why did I want this career again? Oh yea, to save the world.

Speaking of which; Tanzania 2010 - Global Physician Corp

Fundraising for this summer's internship has already began. I have no idea what our projects will be yet, but I'm aiming towards working on the bike project or introducing a water filtration project.

In other news, I moved. Yep, in the midst of the craziness I found time to pack up everything I own and get out of Dodge (or in this case - Vallejo). I'm back in San Francisco where I belong. The only down side of the move is that I'm too busy to unpack yet, which means the place isn't furnished and I'm living out of a boxes. I don't mind though. It'll take time to get things in order and get used to the commute (I haven't had to be up at 6am since high school... but since Med School is a lot like high school I'm sure I'll get used to it again. Besides, it's about time I grow up and start waking up like an adult).

The move is so worth it. Now I like where I am in the evenings and when I do have a study break - my friends are right down the street. :)

Twenty-Ten

2010-01-04T23:23:00.000-08:00

If it weren't for Medical School I would not be a productive member of society. I know this is a fact because the past two weeks of winter break have been spent with too much booze, too much food, and too many bad decisions.

Luckily school is back in session (started today) so I have a reason to be sober and make better life choices. Here are a few choices I am going to be making this year;

- Moving back to San Francisco (as soon as I find a killer apartment in a prime location for cheap)
- To floss more (nothing says confidence like a smile with spinach in your teeth)
- To not settle (for less than a B+, for lame dates, for half ass workouts, for extra unneeded debt)
- To rule the world (self explanatory)
- To continue being awesome (could be combined with previous point for efficiency)

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

Somewhere out there is exactly what I want for Christmas.

And I'm Off

2009-12-23T22:03:00.000-08:00

Exams finished (rocked um' all with 85's or better)
Birthday celebrated (cucumber gimlets in the library speakeasy; gangster style)
Announcement made (I'm moving back to SF as soon as I find a place)
Flight taken (MPLS - time for some good ol' R&R... I mean R&J - Rebecca and John)
Sweated out (hot yoga with Jess E, Remy, and Rebecca)
Shopping done (easy when you only have to buy everyone a lump of coal)
Sister's Birthday (champagne with mini jess to celebrate us both being 19)
Racined out (when are these holidays over?)

Cat-Dog

2009-12-11T14:25:00.001-08:00

I like dogs better than cats and I used to think I was a lot like a dog. If you take me out to play and feed me, I am very loyal and will be your best friend.

However, I'm learning that I am also a bit like a cat. I annoy the crap out of you when I want attention or see shiny things, I hiss when you surprise me, and I try and hide the fact that I poop.

Black Hole

2009-12-10T20:39:00.001-08:00

I am in black hole called end of semester blocks.

There are so many exciting events I have been invited to this weekend (as if everyone is celebrating birthday month but me). However, I will have my nose in book instead (a runny nose at that - stupid cold).

The worst is that the stuff we are currently working on (case based blood disorders) is interesting, enjoyable, and pertinent to my future patients. So I am almost happy to be missing out on the fun?. Weird, right?

Hmm. If anyone asks I guess I can blame missing out on my cold (and secretly be thrilled that I know its just a cold not a chronic myelogenous leukemia blast crisis). #SecretNerd

10 Days

2009-12-07T21:36:00.000-08:00

There are ten days left in the semester and what have I learned?

How well you do in Medical School can be gaged by how long you can sit in a chair and focus on power points and read reference books.
How well you do in Clinic can be gaged by how long you can stand up, not moving, and not fall asleep while you watch exam after exam being performed (no yawning).
How well you do with patients will be based on how well you listen and process everything they tell you.

No matter how much time there is between now and the next exam, it's never enough.
It doesn't matter if I study 4 hours a day or 8 hours or 12 hours - I will still rank one point below average (at least the average is always between 86-92%).
It doesn't matter how much you study; you will forget 50% of what you learned.
The more you try and study, the less you will be able to focus, and the more time you will spend on facebook and twitter.

Going to a Jewish School makes you praise God for the extra holidays so you can catch up on your homework.
Going to a Jewish School leaves you hungry and craving a cheeseburger due to the kosher caffeteria. Especially on Friday when everything closes early for the Sabbath.

The most important thing is to take care of yourself. You can't save anyone if you can't save yourself.

Slow Down in Your Old Age

2009-12-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

There are times when I am motivated and productive and then there are times when all you can do is lay in bed and listen to the rain come down. Exams are less than ten days away and I am far behind in the material, yet picking up a pen and focusing on studying seems to be the last thing I am willing to do.

Hersh and I celebrated birthday month this weekend with friends in San Francisco. And I must admit, I do feel older now. Wiser? Maybe, maybe not. But older? Yes. Not quite sure what to do with that feeling yet. It's a bit like the elephant legs on the Dali I painted. It's awkward yet somehow it's exactly how it's suppose to be. I'm still wrapping my head around it. Slowly but surely.

And with age comes appreciation. I am a very lucky women to have such wonderful people in my life. From Boston to Wisconsin to New York to Europe to Minneapolis to Portland to Florida to San Francisco - I know I don't say it enough - Thank you for being my people. I am lucky women to count on both hands the ones I love.

I'll order it from Zanzibar

2009-12-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

I have never been so excited.

Sometimes when you don't know what to do - the Universe points you in the right direction. I'm signing up for a trip to Tanzania next summer. Not only is the travel and sightseeing appealing, but I was so inspired by the presentations on the research papers that have been accomplished on service projects. As soon as Dr. Mahmoud said that students have created a non-profit to raise funds where 100% went towards the service projects designed by the students I jumped in my seat. How amazing would it be to be the medical student on a project like that where you could publish how it changed the lifestyle and health of the village? Not to mention the fact that you could present this type of piece at global conferences (Global medicine? Dream come true). So my summer will look something like this;

End of May - Leave SF

2 days in Cairo, Egypt - Pyramids, Camel ride, Belly Dancers Etc

23 days in Jimo, Tanzania - Clinical rotations, Shadow surgeries, Assist Physicians

8 day Safari - Serengeti, Kiliminjaro, Zanzibar

7-10 days - Climb Kilimanjaro (I'm trying to set something up with the medical clinics on the mountain. Global wilderness medicine? My life's calling)

Save The World - But Where To Start?

2009-12-03T11:47:00.000-08:00

Next summer I have eight glorious weeks of freedom. And I have no idea how to spend them.

I want to go to Africa with the Global Health Program at TUCOM, but I also want to go to Bolivia (South America for those geographically challenged). Africa would be amazing but it would be the WHOLE summer and I really want a break to hide in the mountains before I have to hit the books for 2nd year.

Bolivia is a 3-4 week program and I would learn Spanish (a skill I've been meaning to pick up), but the cool kids are going to Africa. And I would want someone to travel with me around South America after the clinic was over.

There's also an India mission trip (a country on my list of places to go) which would be a whole different experience all together. If I want to work globally I should really use my time to gain as much worldwide cultural and medical knowledge as possible.

Plus I really want to line up something with Yosemite Medical Clinic or another wilderness medical branch. I'm currently trying to get on ski patrol in Tahoe for a weekend. If this is a career path I want to pursue, it would be worth my time to make connections at these sites.

I could also fill my entire summer camping, hiking, climbing, and white water rafting around the west coast. There is so much I to do out here and you can't do it while in school.

Anyone have a six headed coin?

Editor's Pick

2009-12-02T09:13:00.000-08:00

The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song - Flaming Lips

what would you do with all your power?

Dominos - The Big Pink

these girls fall like dominos. as soon as I love her, it's been too long.

Hell - Tegan and Sara

i know you feel it too. these words get overused.

There Ain't No Rest for the Wicked - Cage of Elephants

until we close our eyes for good

One step forward, two steps back.

2009-12-01T14:50:00.000-08:00

It's birthday month. I am ecstatic.

I am not a holiday person. In fact, I don't really like Christmas. My favorite family tradition is the moments I get to spend with everyone gathered around a table for a big meal. The presents and decorations are nice. I certainly don't condone them. But the real celebration is just about gathering together once a year to breaking bread with those you are related to.

My birthday, however, is another story. I celebrate this festive and joyous occasion for 31 straight days. Yes, that's right, I claim the entire month of December as my personal holiday (and I share it with some of my favorite people).

On my 22nd birthday I jokingly re-turned 21 and since then it's been a running gag to pick whatever age I feel like. The joke took true meaning when I moved back from Europe as I felt I missed a year of American life and therefore was entitled to repeat that year as I saw fit.

As this year approached I have become more and more comfortable with my actual age. I came to this realization last month. I had just received good marks on my exams (feels good to not only enjoy but do really well in your chosen career). I was excited about a new painting I was working on (my form of meditation is a paint brush in my hand). I was dating someone I actually liked (like, liked like). My life was full of friends and activities. Even my bad days when nothing seems to go right, would turn out to be the best days ever in the end. If this is settling down, then tie me up. I don't want to move. Put twenty-seven candles on my cake and let those suckers burn.

Then I didn't do so hot on a quiz. And I had to sign up for spring semester; 23 credits (up from 18) and I started to get nervous. Then things didn't work out with my person and I felt alone. And my painting's ugly. And then my bad day really was a bad day.

And now I'm wondering if I should be 25 again because I obviously didn't learn anything the first time through.

Freedom!

2009-11-23T22:49:00.001-08:00

Freedom! Well, kind of. I took the midblock 3 exam today (and received another lovely medical B. B for brilliant, right?)which means I don't have another exam until the middle of December. That being said, my chipmunk face is still holding me back from the finer things in life so it was yet another day in the house; albeit without studying.

One day of classes left and I should be back to normal when I board the plane to Boston. Can't wait to spend Thanksgiving with one of my most favorite persons in the world; Nana. And yes Nana, I should be off of vicodin by the time I arrive so wine with our turkey will be fine. Trust me, I'm a doctor. Well, kind of.

Day 3

2009-11-22T16:42:00.000-08:00

Hour 72 of house arrest due to wisdom teeth removal; I've become friends with the spore lamp. I caught myself repeating a joke outloud and realized the only other thing in the room was the massive orb of soft white light. Oh dear, I've lost it. The creepiest part is I think the lamp liked the joke...

Chipmunk Face

2009-11-19T21:06:00.000-08:00

All that talk about Chipmunks has come back to haunt me. I had two wisdom teeth pulled today - ouch. Nothing like a bottle of vicadin and an evening of movies and ice packs to feel better though. Mmm.

Kiss my furry butt

2009-11-18T11:25:00.000-08:00

This chipmunk was so upset that I have dedicated my life to loving squirrels and penguins instead of chipmunks that he told me right where I can stick it. For all the chipmunks I have neglected over the year, here is your shoot out. You too are important in the realm of ridiculous animals.

One Month

2009-11-17T20:11:00.000-08:00

I have exactly one month left of being 23... or 24... I can't decide. The sun is quickly setting on my early twenties. In an odd way, it feels more like I'm turning 26. Which I'm strangely comfortable with. In another way, I've been lying about my age since I was 17 so why stop now?

It's also exactly one month before this semester is over and I have two sets of exams before that. Holy crap-o-la. Plus my roommate and I are already clawing at the academic calandar for days to climb or snowboard. Not to mention a trip to Boston to see Nana for Thanksgiving and a big combined birthday bash with Hersh to celebrate the arrival of some amazing Sagittarius. It looks like it's going to be a busy month. Alright winter, bring it.

Running errands in Vallejo. Novemeber 17,2009

Smell the Roses

2009-11-16T22:51:00.000-08:00

From my walk to class today.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-16T09:03:00.000-08:00

After a blissful long weekend with all my favorite San Francisco people, I found myself back in class on Monday morning, exactly seven days before my next exam. It's back to the grind stone until Thanksgiving.

Medical school has a way of making life more potent. Class and studying is weighted with life altering importance (and life threatening if you learn the drugs in the wrong combination) to the point you can taste each bite of information. A full day of lecture is so overwhelming you fear you will never be able to digest and recreate it. Yet each piece is a distinct spice and once melded together becomes complex yet simple, like a homemade Indian curry.

Outside of class every task, errand, or event is dripping with such vivid color that each moment of free time has it's own neon rainbow hue, florescent and pungent. Suddenly the word appreciation is tangible; carried proudly like a medal of honor. Glistening in your eye and recognizable in your ever movement. Laughter, intimate friendships, moments of silence each contribute a beat to the electric colored minutes moving around you.

Life is meant to be lived this fully. And mine is full to the brim in all categories. I am blessed. And thankful. I have the best SF girl friend, Ms. Abigail. I have the best family of friends, oh Monica, Hersh, Uttermann, Edison, Tai, and others. I have the best person, who like me has a full life. I have the best study friends to keep me sane during extended crunch times. I have the best family to look forward to visiting on the holidays. I have wonderful friends scattered around the country (and world). I have a satisfying career path. I have unlimited opportunities for all my entertaining hobbies and adventure loving moments. And I have a smile on my face more often than not. What a wonderful life.

May this next year bring nothing less than the past year has; 365 reasons to say 'What a good day!'

November 15th

2009-11-15T19:28:00.000-08:00

This last week has been chaotic (in a good way). Between block 2 exams, post exam celebrations, and dPad family time, I can say nothing less than I am fulfilled, loved, and full of energy.

Inspire Me

2009-11-12T18:13:00.000-08:00

Editor's Pick

2009-11-10T14:31:00.000-08:00

In celebration of passing Block 2 exams; here are the jams I blasted while throwing myself a dance party.

Cuddle Fuddle - Passion Pit
I've Got Nothing to Worry About - Peter Bjorn and John
Mr. McGee - Zero Seven
Hey Jude - The Beatles

Current Obsession: Neon Colors. Bring it on 80s.

Fast forward

2009-11-09T12:16:00.000-08:00

'If your life were a movie, what parts would you watch? The part where you took a leap. The rest is on the cutting room floor.' - Adrienne

M.I.A.

2009-11-01T19:30:00.000-08:00

I have been flying like paper, getting high like planes,
If you catch me out of the library, I've been studyin' all day.

Life has taken a quick turn from busy to crazy busy. Balancing it all has not been easy and as such I've compromised a lot of my favorite past times including blogging. The hours I used to waste writing, painting, sending letters, or taking pictures have been thrown out the window. Every time my hand touches a pen I feel like I should be taking lecture notes. And if I ever do pick up a paint brush anymore it's plagued with a heavy guilt that I should be looking at flashcards.

Medical school is an interesting phenomena. While I want to be a brilliant doctor, I also want to enjoy my 20s. Career is obviously a high priority to me if I'm going through all this effort in school, but sometimes I forget about the other priorities in life. Mainly, my down time to process everything happening around me.

Life is so good right now that there isn't a single enthusiastic adjective that would do it justice. Fall break was an amazing adventure that taught me a lot about myself and what I want in life. I returned home to my amazing friends and ridiculously fun peers. Since then it's been nothing but net.

I decided my extracurriculars in med school are going to be sport related. It's proven to be a good decision thus far. Between basketball Tuesday, football and dance team Wednesday, and soccer Thursday; combine that with climbing when I'm in the city or planning some upcoming snowboarding and I am one happy student. Work outs and social hour rolled into one - now that is efficient medical students!

Plus I put a lot of time into weeding out which relationships I would give my precious free time too. This also has proven to be a good decision. Instead of spreading myself thin or stressing over social engagements, I've cut my loses and focused on a few valuable close friends. For someone like myself who is used to having 30+ good friends at any given time, it's a big change to go from social butterfly to a few prized friendships. Nana has challenged me to cut it down to 8 close loved ones. That right there was a hard choice. But when you only have a few hours a week to spare, it's all you can do. I'm pushing Nana's idea one step further and making it 6. Two spots are reserved for 'JTreib Time' and 'Sports'.

The precious alone time I have come accustom to in life may be the one thing that keeps me sane during the Med School juggling act. And as my six know - sanity is far and few between with JTreib.

Picture This - October

2009-10-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

Legends of the Hidden Temple - A PacPad/Argyle/SteinHausen Halloween event

SteinHause (Zoe/Manny) House Warming Party - the Edison meter approves.

The Berkeley (Cal) vs. Washington football game - aka the worst day turned best day.

Jamming out at Treasure Island Music Fest with Monica.

Passion Pit takes the stage. And the most intense sunset setting over San Francisco.

Oktoberfest in Munich - and the revival of the dirndl.

Forks and Spoons.

2009-10-29T14:31:00.000-07:00

Someone once told me that bits of déjàvu is the Universe's way of telling you that you are on the right path. It makes you cock your head to the side and say 'huh'. It's always left me with a smirk of comfort.

On the other hand, I have also been told that Life continues to present you with the same big situations over and over until you make the right choice and can move on. As Albert Einstein said, doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results is the definition of insanity. Yet the old 'Well maybe this time will be different' has always left me scratching my head wondering what is going wrong.

I've experienced both today.

Dejavu hit me as I came to a fork in the road today. I've been here before. And just like every time before, I want to turn around and run away fast. But this time my feet are frozen. They know better. Running is not what I want. No matter how scared I am to open up and let someone in. As terrified as I am, I lift a foot a step in the right direction.

After all, what good is a fork without her spoon.

Baggage

2009-10-18T18:26:00.001-07:00

Nana: Can you take an unopened bottle of vodka in a carry on?

Me: Is it less than three ounces?

Nana: Um, No.

Me: If you could carry on liquor to flights I wouldn't have quit my day job. Three ounces isn't even enough to get a nun buzzed.

In the Düs.

2009-10-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

My suitcase had finally arrived so we were able to pick it up from the airport before leaving Munich. The entire contents smells awful. I dont know what the heck the delivery company did but it smells like they used it as an ashtray. Gross.

So on Monday, while Wendy had the day off, we went into the Düsseldorf Altstadt and shopped for some Euro fashion. Between the shopping, the Lupo pizza, and the Haufbahnhof bortchen mit kaese; I was well fed and well adjusted to being back in the Düs.

Wendy and I cooked up pumpkin soup for dinner (no pun on my weekend adventures) and entertained Lars with our travel stories (Lars being Wendy's neighbor that we used to do dinner and drinks with routinely when I lived here). Just like old times he said the same thing he always does, "Really? No?" every time I added to the storyline.

Tuesday was spent auditioning to be Wendy's housewife. While she went off to work I happily did some school work, ironing, laundry, and packing for the next big adventure this week; London with Romina.

Grimm Brothers Cinderella Oktoberfest

2009-10-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

I finally boarded my flight to Amsterdam only to be delayed on the runway. I had to run to catch my connection to Munich but I made it. My luggage however, did not. I was informed in Munich that it was delayed by two hours. I didn't sweat it as it seemed like KLM had a handle on it. I have never been so wrong. Seven phone calls, tears, sweat, and 8 hours later there was still no bag or any trace of where it might be. How, I wonder, does KLM give my bag to the delivery service yet have no way of contacting that deliver service to track it down?! And I'm a freakin' Gold Member. Not to be a snot or anything, but I fly these alliance enough that they should get their shit together and make it happen for their elite members. Otherwise why do I go out of my way to fly with your alliance?

Not to mention the fact that October 3rd is a German Holiday so all stores are closed. Plus the 4th is a Sunday so nothing is open then either - which means I've been in the same closes for 3 days and counting (thank goodness I pack multiple clean underwear).

Luck was on my side though as Wendy located a dress via one of her coworkers, Thomas. My dirndl fairy godmother arrived just before the ball to dress in me the most beautiful dirndl I have ever seen. It was gorgeous (not unlike my fairy godmother Silka). And then there we were ready for the party of a life time. Chris (the wonderful man who put us up for Oktoberfest), Wendy, Eva, Marie, and I headed out to Oktoberfest. Whoever said money cannot buy happiness has never spent ten euros on ein mass. There I was; dressed in a dirndl with ein mass in hand surrounded by a group of singing Germans when my phone rings. And who could it be other than; Bond. James Bond.

The night stood still as I raced through crowds to the feet of the Bavarian Goddess statue. She must have smiled upon me because although there were crowds and crowds of people everywhere, standing there in a spotlight of stars was the only thing I could see.

Between prosting masses and dancing til dawn, it was easy to forgive all the bumps in travel plans it took to get here.

Although I didn't lose a shoe (unless you count the white boots in my lost suitcase), as the train pulled away at midnight and I looked back at the man standing on the tracks in the moonlight, I knew exactly how Cinderella felt when her carriage turned into a pumpkin.

As Luck Would Have It

2009-10-01T23:40:00.000-07:00

I was gearing up for a boring ride to the airport when Elisa's boyfriend Matt just happened to hop in my supershuttle. The next hour was filled with laughing over costumes, quoting tv comedies, burning man, and Wisconsin tidbits. The man is a riot.

This was followed by an actual riot when the flights to Minneapolis were delayed so much that one flight boarded, went to the run way, came back to the gate, and deboarded. My flight was three hours late. Making me two hours late for my connection to Europe. I'd complain, but as luck would have it this bummed me to the flight I originally wanted but hadn't booked due to it being $400 more. Now I'll be getting to Oktoberfest just in time to walk off the plane, meet Wendy at baggage claim, and walk into a tent serving beer. Fantastic.

Then Delta handed me a ticket voucher, a hotel voucher, and a meal ticket while the stewardess offered a sympathetic smile and said, "We're sorry." I looked over my ticket and literally jumped up and down in happiness. I'll be lunching with Rebecca before take off tomorrow.

As a bonus the Universe let Angie's flight be postponed too. So we got to have a mini catch up in the airport before I went looking for my shuttle.

The shuttle driver to the Raddison opened his door quizical and said, "Did you call for a shuttle? Cause I just made an accidental circle, but this is the last shuttle of the night and I didn't get any calls." "I need to call?" I asked. And at this he smiled, "Well little lady, I'd say you are a winner cause you just got lucky. Hop on board."

School's Out!

2009-10-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

Taking off for fall break a day early put slight pressure back on school work. I wound up having to rearrange classes, make up labs over lunch breaks, and cram in assignments during lectures. True to form, the pressure made me productive and I got it all done.

That's not to say it went off without a hitch. The last ferry to SF happens to be at 5:30pm from Vallejo. This is way to early to be town for scheduled 10pm drinks. Normally I'd hit up the library and study or run some errands, but since I was flying out of SFO the next morning I was shackled with a suitcase and starving.

But as luck would have it, Hersh and the Argyle boys opened their doors and arms happy to see me. There is something wonderful about Hersh & Co. They know me inside and out, yet they accept me just the way I am without question or judgment. They don't care if all I want to do is play puzzle fighter or if I want to throw myself a dance party. The Argyle living room (just like the dpad household) swings their door open and let's me feel right at home on the couch. I love my people.

What I do not love is when I have a little too much code. I didn't realize it was too much for me until I was walking out of the house to meet Nack (aka Nick). Poor Nick and Jamie were going out for a drink and made the unfortunate mistake of letting me come along. I'm pretty sure everything I said and did made sense to no one, because it sure didn't make any sense in my head. The snippets I piece together include discussions on expensive bottles of wine, anglerfish (deep sea dwelling fish with lantern antenna), and whack-a-mole.

Nack, as always, is so good to me and just shook his head and smiled when I confessed later. His calm confidence and demeanor made me feel a bit shameful, but his open arms and offer to let me stay as long as I'd like after he left for work the next day made me feel like I was walking on sunshine. This man is passing all tests with flying colors. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we might have a winner. And for you, kind sir, I vow not to be Cntrl Alt Deleted while meeting any more of your friends. Lesson learned. School dismissed.

Prions

2009-09-28T23:22:00.000-07:00

Like the mis-folding prions of mad cow disease, without pressure of an upcoming exam my study group is just a bad influence on each other. I thought it was just me who was dragging my feet, but it's not. We're all floating in the same boat. There's an endless list of things to do, but I guess that list will just wait until tomorrow.

Lally Gagging

2009-09-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

You would think that with the limited free time available in medical school I would be using it wisely, however you would be wrong. I am days behind in lecture material, I have wasted a weekend lally gagging around, and I have to cram a week's worth of homework and activities in before Wednesday. It's times like this when I wish there was a magic elixir to give me the energy, focus, and drive I need. And I've learned that coffee is not that elixir. The only thing that does is make me jittery, bouncy, and hurt my stomach. Grrr.

Free Falling

2009-09-23T23:37:00.000-07:00

Today I left the scooter in the garage and walked to try and shake a feeling I was having. I couldn't put a finger on what it was. It wasn't until after dinner that night that I put two and two together. With the way our schedules work out I will barely see Nick again until after I get back from fall break (mid October). I'm going to miss him. And that is a feeling I haven't felt for someone in a very long time.

What does that mean? I don't know. But that's okay. Cause I'm pretty happy with where things are going in life right now. And that peace is comforting. Even if I fail an exam (oh wait, I did. It's pass fail. I failed an OMM theory exam by 1 point and passed the corresponding practical with a 93%. You just have to laugh at that) or even if I get my heart broke (like I have in the past); it doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm living. And when you put it all out there and expect nothing in return it is truly freeing.

Update; with exam challenges tallied my grades have increased. I now have a 92% Fundamentals, 84% Doctoring, 76% OMM Theory, and 93% OMM Practical. To answer your question; yes, I am an all-star.

Top Rope

2009-09-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

With half the normal class load this week and no quiz or exam in the near future, it's hard to want to hole up in the library right now. So banking on the fact that we'd hit the books the second half of this week, the girls and I headed into San Francisco Tuesday night for climbing and dinning with some of Nick's friends.

I'm sure I've said it before, but I love Planet Granite. Walking into the climbing subculture there is like stepping into a well worn pair of comfortable shoes. I could be there all day and not notice the time slip away.

Teaching beginners the basics brings me back to my days at the SPG Wall at the U of M. Something about getting newbies hooked on climbing makes me happy inside. And as luck would have it, the girls loved it. They tackled much more than I expected and suggested we make it a weekly venture as we clanked beers with the boys at the Tipsy Pig later. Um, friend groups meshing well, rock climbing, and cold beers? Could life get any better?!

A Vacation to a Simmong Staycation

2009-09-21T01:28:00.000-07:00

Taking advantage of the three day weekend post blocks (and the fact that Minneapolis hasn't had snow hit yet) I went back to the Twin Cities to snuggle with Brucie in the guest bedroom of the Simmons' Hotel.

The bed and breakfast turned out to be just what I needed to reset for Block 2. John whipped up his famous home made cinnamon rolls (complete with caramel and pecans) and Rebecca made some tasty potatoe salad (potatoes hand picked straight from their garden).

I spent an evening comparing adventures in dating with Jessica Ehrlich and we laughed over everything from vanity license plates to Lisa Frank school supplies.

There was even time to visit my favorite hair stylist (love you Missy!) and the good ol' Refinery (5 minutes to perfection).

Before heading home I spent a lazy Sunday with Emily and Rebecca dining out in the ol' Dinky Town at Cafe 421 and then hitting Calhoun Square's Heartbreakers and American Apparel for unnecessary but mandatory ridiculous fashion.

As I snuggled back into San Francisco after my late flight in, I couldn't have been more comfortable. It is truly peaceful to close your eyes and know that when you open them, your dreams will still be going. Life is good.

Editor's Pick (Rickshaw Ride)

2009-09-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

In a whirlwind of emotions after exams I headed into SF to decompress the best way I know how; dinner with Nick and then cold beers with friends dancing at a local concert at Rickshaw. It was fabulous. If you haven't checked out these bands, do so. You won't regret it.

My First Earthquake. I recommend Vow to Vowels and Cool in the Cool Way
Throw Me A Statue. I'd suggest Hi-Fi Goon (and every other song they play)

A is for Awesome. A is for Anxious

2009-09-17T17:29:00.000-07:00

Thursday morning I clenched my coffee as I recited facts and figures in my head. When the proctor held out an exam sheet I fumbled and almost dropped my tumbler. But when we were instructed to begin my pencil did all the work effortlessly. Finishing in half the time, I walked out the back of the lecture hall and sighed as I stepped into the sun. There are not words to express how good it feels to know that you not only passed, but you did well.

High on these euphoric vibes, I giddily skipped around the corner towards home only to find myself in a herd of goats. I suppose it's kosher... and economical... Either way it only added to the delusional state I was in.

When I tied on my scrubs that afternoon to take my anatomy exam I was still riding the feel good train. However, when I stepped away from the last cadaver I was tormented. Out of 30, I only knew 29. I was so irritated by one of the stations that I couldn't comprehend that I had aced it. It was completely the opposite feeling from the morning.

Walking home I passed the empty field where the goats had been grazing that morning and I wondered if the whole thing was a mirage. I paused in the middle of the empty field and turned in a circle trying to piece it all together. If I didn't have the grades and photo to prove it, I would think it was all a twisted dream.

Stress is an amazing roller coaster. As I hit the ferry to SF that night with one blood shot eye (from sleeping in disposable contacts during study-a-thons) I looked at my chipped up fingernail polish and couldn't help think, 'I'm a hot mess.' And to think, only 7 more years of weeks like this.

Take Out Your Number Two Pencils

2009-09-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

This is how my school works; it has three main divisions of classes.

Fundamentals of Medicine: This is the subjects you think of when you think of medical school. My school is organized by systems so we'll learn one system at a time and how it applys clinically. Our first section however, is basic sciences (because not all medical students are biology majors right out of college).
OMM: (Osteopathic Manual Manipulation) This is what makes Osteopaths special. Like Chiropractors we can align the spine to correct posture, however we are also taught how to adjust organs, muscles, lymph, joints, and soft tissue. Right now I call this class glorified back rubs because we're working on soft tissue of the back.
Doctoring: The rudimentary things physicians do on a daily basis; history taking, physical exams, dealing with insurance companies, paperwork, ethics, etc.

This week is our first block exams (aka tests in every subject).

Monday: OMM Practical
Tuesday: OMM and Doctoring Theory exams
Wednesday: study day
Thursday: Fundamentals Exam (BioChem, Genetics, Embryo, Neuroscience, Physiology) followed directly with an Anatomy Exam on the cadavers

Needless to say, I might not update again until after exams... speaking of which, I should probably get back to studying.

The Man is Genius

2009-09-10T01:25:00.000-07:00

This week I met with my faculty adviser to discuss the same thing I've been blogging like mad about - finding balance between life and school while still conquering the material. My adviser, Glenn, was very insightful, perceptive, and helpful. He made some valid points;

He complemented and pointed out that I am self aware of the transition I'm going through and what I need to do to excel in the situation. He noted how realizing the need for change is the biggest step towards that change.
He challenged me to look at the material we are presented with not as a question on an exam for a set amount of points, but to see each question as a patient and the information in the question as pertinent to that patient's recovery. He referenced considering the difficult off the wall questions that seem irrelevant to an obscure episode of House. The information will, at some point in my career, directly effect a patient even if it's hard to tie it directly to a case right now.
He pointed out that the stress I feel to spend time with friends isn't coming from the friends; it's coming from me. None of my current relationships are demanding more time. He told me to appreciate and take advantage of how supportive my friends and family are being. Even though I feel like I HAVE to spend time with them, it's ME that's feeling that, not them. Releasing that feeling and trusting those relationships will not only make the relationships stronger, but will alleviate stress surrounding my worries for balance.

The man is brilliant. And apparently so am I. Aced a quiz this week, caught up on studying, and blocked concrete social time in next week so I can focus on exams while looking forward to fun with friends.

Editor's Pick

2009-09-06T10:42:00.000-07:00

Sundays are brilliant, especially when followed by a Monday of no class. I woke up today ready to conquer the world (or at least regain the footing I lost yesterday). As all good days should; this one starts with a dance party.

Over and Over by Hot Chip

"Over and over again like a monkey with a miniature cymbal. The joy of repetition really is in you." (Sounds like med school)
And the music video includes a man wearing a skeleton shirt and green man suits (Always Sunny reference).
Plus they are from London. Who doesn't love UK bands?

Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas

"Tonight's gonna be a good good night. Fill up my cup. Mozeltov!"

Peter, Bjorn, & John's Young Folks Video

Because this song never gets old.

Low Tide

2009-09-05T18:40:00.001-07:00

Today was awful. I'm not sure if I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed or what, but whatever the reasoning, the negativity didn't help anything (let's face it, negativity never helps). All it did was leave me mute, annoyed, angry, and saddened as I watched my social life float away when I missed the ferry.

I could have waited for the next ferry, but as I watched the waves rolling and took stock of my emotions, I knew I would only be further ruffled (and thus less entertaining) if I waited around. So instead I have chalked up today to epic fail.

And that's when I realized it wasn't all bad. It's a gorgeous day in Vallejo, the library is open until midnight, and if I use today wisely I can try again tomorrow (thank you three day weekend!). Then Ginger took me to get a frosty and life was good again.

530 Cohart

2009-09-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

Evan, Jessica, Chet, and Nicole with her cake

For Nicole's Birthday, all the roommates went out for dinner. Where did we go? Ihop (Vallejo has slim pickings). What did we do? Eat cake without forks. Yes, we're medical students and we throw 5 year birthday parties (and we like them).

Dodge This

2009-09-03T13:21:00.001-07:00

Who has two thumbs, played some serious dodgeball yesterday, and aced their Histology quiz today? This girl, that's who.

Team MegaColon

Jessica, Ginger, Chet, Jason, Aras, Sibyl, Bobby

The team on the court

Intense dodgeball moment